Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
370th Floor: When Fear of Missing Out Costs You What Matters Most
What are you missing out on while watching someone else's life? This question sparked an illuminating conversation about the distractions that pull us away from our true purpose and the power of intentionally choosing what deserves our attention.
The journey begins with Kory sharing a transformative moment during a recent band performance when equipment failure forced the musicians to rely solely on their raw talent. What could have been a disaster became a catalyst for growth, creating one of their most authentic and energizing performances. This experience perfectly illustrates how unexpected challenges can reconnect us with our core purpose when we remain open to the moment rather than fixated on distractions.
We dive deep into the concept of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and how it manifests in our lives. What happens when we're so busy watching what everyone else is doing that we miss our own calling? Through personal stories and reflections, we explore the freedom that comes from embracing JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out) instead.
As you listen, we'd like to invite you to consider: What distractions might you intentionally miss out on this week? What could you say "yes" to instead? We would like to let you know that your purpose is worthy of protection, and your time is too valuable to trade for what merely distracts.
hey, it's jen the builder and cory, and welcome everyone to take the elevator yes, welcome on in, have a seat stand or just make yourself feel really good. You know what, jen? I got to say something about this episode and every episode moving forward. I have learned something about myself. When I'm not comfortable with a topic and not that I'm not comfortable for myself to talk about it, it but I'm not comfortable for people to hear it because I'm afraid or a little nervous, anxious, about how it's going to land with them. I tend to dance around things and I don't feel good about how it's coming out. So I'm going to have to remove that filter. I'm just going to have to say what it is that I'm thinking and however it lands. Just know this. I have no ill intent, I have no malice and I promise I won't ever go to a place that is dark and dangerous.
Speaker 1:Yes, you definitely have good and positive intentions. And wow, what a disclaimer. People are probably wondering what is today's episode going to be about? I know it's no yeah I totally welcome, cory, that we dance through it instead of around it yeah and I think we've been around enough. In fact, this is our 370th episode. This is 370 370. So I believe we've stayed true to our core and our purpose, and that's to elevate people and elevate everyday dialogue and the way we think, and that's exactly what we'll continue to do absolutely so we didn't have an episode last week because we opted to spend time alone with our moms.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we actually did.
Speaker 1:And we had a wonderful barbecue and it's so funny. I don't know if anyone else is like this or if it's a Filipino thing, Not sure but I legit have a fear of running out of food when we're hosting a party Like I. Just want to have a magnificent spread.
Speaker 2:Yes, I actually like to run out of food.
Speaker 1:That's so weird, why?
Speaker 2:Well, because it makes me feel like the party was so good and the food tasted so amazing that everybody just ate everything up. So if there's no food left, it's like yes, I, I pleased everyone I see.
Speaker 1:Well, part of my party throwing is I want you to leave my party with some leftovers so you can have it the next day and share with your family oh my gosh, you. You know how many people are going to want to come to the house now well, that's why, um, we don't have them that much, because it's like a legit um. What is it, cory, when it throws a monkey wrench in our budget?
Speaker 2:yeah, jen just said that's why you can't come over as much.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So if you do come over because you've been invited and gosh, we just love to invite people all the time just know that there's going to be a bunch of food, yeah, but let's go back just a little bit because, both mothers being here, let's say this first and foremost we both love both mothers.
Speaker 2:Yes, unequivocally yeah.
Speaker 2:Both mothers enjoy one another, they really do get along, have a good friendship, actually talk outside of being with us. I think they even spent a couple of days together at one point in time, without us, without us, yeah, and so it's such a joy. You know, my mom's 78, I believe your mom is 74 or 75, okay, 74, and so these very seasoned women are still sharp. And I mean they are sharp, oh, they crack jokes. They know how to be a little sarcastic and quick with it, so funky, yeah, we have a good time with them and never miss a beat. So, uh, enjoy your moms. That's what this message is about. Enjoy your mothers, guys, because we just don't know how long they're going to be here and I guarantee you I don't want to look back and say, man, we could have spent more time yeah, and for those that don't know the story of our moms, um, they are miracles and just a blessing to have in our lives.
Speaker 1:My mom, um, is cancer free yeah and so she beat cancer and she's so healthy.
Speaker 2:And your mom well, both our moms with cory's mom she almost died during covid yeah, she was one of the first ones to really have that long COVID and one of the first ones that was in the uh, intubated a state and then was intubated for multiple days I think it was like three to five days and she don't remember anything and, uh, it was just a, a, a very trying time. So, yeah, it's a blessing to have both mothers and know that they've been through some trying times but they're still here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what we did last weekend was we really focused on what was important, because I have to tell you us thinking about recording the podcast was a distraction it really was, and it would have taken us away from that moment, from that amazing time that we had with them. Um, so that's what we want to talk about today, because, cory, you had a gig over the weekend and cory always, when he gets back, of course, is tired. So when I ask him, how was your night?
Speaker 2:it's a very brief synopsis of how it went yeah, and I typically like to give a reflect on what the night was like, what the crowd was like, how the band sounded, how we played, and I like to be really honest and true about that yeah, I love it because you share your learns, like what you had to do differently, how you had to flex right, all the things that come up.
Speaker 1:So I learn a lot and you had shared a story with me and I'd asked you if you didn't mind sharing it on take the elevator um, some of your key takeaways over the weekend yeah so tell us about it, sure so the the thing that I love most about playing is that we are a a struggling band.
Speaker 2:What does that mean? Um, I'm not talking financially, I need money. So that's not the the struggle that I'm looking for. I like that. We struggle because we're decent players, and I'll say it like this james the drummer is amazing, danny is is beyond average, and I'm I'm a bass player, but I'm not a bassist like I. I can't play everything under the sun, nor do I want to, nor have I ever wanted to. Um, that's just never been my thing. But what I do like is like we're willing to experiment, we're willing to take chances that we probably shouldn't take in a live setting, and sometimes it works really well, and then sometimes it really doesn't.
Speaker 2:But this particular night, um, what we did was we removed some of the background elements that we are used to playing with. Well, you didn't remove it intentionally. No, we did not do that intentionally, right? That's the thing it was. At the very last set and the first song in the last set, equipment started failing and we found ourselves in this situation.
Speaker 2:But I was thriving, because what happens for me? When it's just three instruments? It forces us to play at levels that we've never played at before, and that's where I thrive, that's where I think I sound the best, because now I'm not relying on anything but my skill and ability to play and then I'm able to hear all the music in its entirety. And so what I was explaining to jim to not go too long on this is that, um, it grew us in just a 45 minute time span, and after the growth I just felt incredibly energized. I actually felt like this is what I started playing for. This is why we started getting shows and going on the road and playing in front of people, because this amazing feeling of of having to survive a 45 minute to three hour set and and sound good and make people enjoy it. Sorry, jane, I know I went on.
Speaker 1:Well, that's how valuable that learn was for you in that experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, incredible.
Speaker 1:But what I wanted to share, and thanks for bringing that forward, because during that night you told me too that of course, in a place like that, people are. It's a Friday night, first of all. So people are unwinding after the first week of August.
Speaker 2:And I mean unwinding. Yes, they are drinking, they are having a good time.
Speaker 1:Yes, and they're with their buds right. So there's this one particular group that got got pretty loud and it could have been seen, or was seen, as as a distraction and disrespectful band members. Yeah so a distraction. That was disrespectful, and I don't know if any of you have had to perform or had to focus on the one thing and there's something else going on and it takes your mind off what you're supposed to be doing.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right. So it reminded me, Corey, of what we learned from one of our kids is FOMO. Right the fear of missing out, and what that means typically is you see it in social media a lot, a lot of the reason for the chronic scrolling right. We don't want to miss out on what's going on there, we want to be a part of it, and we can even have FOMO with our circle of friends or at work or family, where we always have to be in the know yeah so we become very busy bodies, and so when you think about that, what we want to ask here or bring forward is that when you're in fear of missing out, um, sometimes you're actually missing out on what's supposed to happen for you.
Speaker 1:I think it's bigger than missing out on what's happening in the world, but what you're supposed to pick up from the world, does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I mean ultimately. What you're saying is sometimes missing out on the trending popular thing is better for you, so you don't miss out on the personal thing that's going to happen to you more internally, inward facing, than outward facing.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So that thing that distracts you, like, let me bring it home a little bit. So I imagine that if I was on stage as a band member and there's that loud group and that's what I'm focused on, so it takes me off my game on singing, playing my instrument and seeing what else is happening in the crowd, because, incore, you shared with me what else you saw in the crowd and what actually happened as far as glimmers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, where. That doesn't bother me. It bothers the lead singer, danny, a great deal to have a distraction like that, but it doesn't bother me because I'm always scanning the entire room. I did notice that there were 12 other people that were very, very in tune and you say, well, was the place packed or was it just you know a few?
Speaker 2:No, the place was pretty packed, but you always have your few people that are heavily engaged, and there are 12 people close in, within close proximity, that were very engaged, and they don't always have to be up dancing and singing, they just show you in their eyes, they show you in their head bobs or their small applause at the end of the song, and so those are the ones I'm looking to captivate yeah, yeah, and so what we're saying here is, when we get so caught up in the big thing that's happening, you miss out on the little things that are actually hopeful and encouraging and a positive force in your life, because we're so focused on the negative or maybe even focused on things that we're just not supposed to be involved in.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So I think about lately recently actually I've mentioned that I had a transition in my career and, corey, let me tell you about my FOMO. I legit almost asked the manager that took my place to blind copy me on emails, just so I could be in the know of what's going on with my old team and it's that's hard for me to confess.
Speaker 1:I was like this is a real problem, like why would you even think that? But that's the realness of the fear of missing out now. If that had been my focus, I would have missed out on seeing my new team making plans to be a part of them stepping into my role, because I would have been straddling the fence right.
Speaker 2:I would have been one foot out, but yet one foot still in right so I realized this is a distraction not to mention me from my own growth yeah, not to mention you would have been stepping on someone's toes, hello but I mean, it's just a real thought.
Speaker 1:I wonder if we were to talk about the things that we really think about in that moment related to fomo. Like it is kind of I don't want to say embarrassing, but just to hear me say it out loud, it's like ew, that's like cringe, right yeah um, but it's just the reality of the thing. Like, fomo is a real thing. So what we really want to engage you in is what are you missing out on when you're so in that space of FOMO, you know?
Speaker 2:well, we can go down that road if you like go ahead. You're not supposed to filter today you know, I'm I'm sure not gonna filter this one, okay. So a lot of times when we're so interested and I'll give a real good example um, we're so interested to see how far ai can take us. That's what. That's what the big thing is right now. How much can?
Speaker 1:right ai.
Speaker 2:How far can AI excel my career, excel my Make it easier for me. Make it easier for me, make me more productive Right and grow my social medias and so forth and so on. And so, while you're so distracted with that, you forget the fact that the human connection was the best part of what you were doing in the first place.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what allowed you to really write and express yourself. That's what it allowed you to really create in a whole nother space and a whole nother time. And then, guys, I got, really got to ask this question, and this is a real question in real time who cares how many people are following us? Like, I know, we want to see those big numbers, but why? Is it just because it makes us look popular? Is it because it makes us feel better about ourselves? But at the end of the day, when you lay down and go to sleep, whether it's 2,000 or 2 million people following you, it really shouldn't change who we are. And somehow it does right.
Speaker 1:It ties into our self-worth right, our belonging, our identity and, my goodness, there's so much more to who you are than like you say. Corey. Follows likes, people likes, loving what you're saying, commenting on what you're saying. What we've learned through take the elevator is this we put episodes out you guys know this every week and sometimes it is silence, like we don't hear anything we post and, honestly, like we're seriously not about the likes. But it is nice to see someone engaged, because then I don't have to think like because I feel like I made a mistake downloading or it didn't, it didn't, um, get on the platforms correctly, because I'm not hearing anything. But then we walk around, we run into someone and they mention the episode that just really spoke to them yeah and I love that quay because I think what we've built is true human connection absolutely, and I
Speaker 1:think people know that we love the face-to-face if not face-to-face the phone calls, the video calls, right, just something that's so beyond ai, ai and the definitions of what success is supposed to look like for you, it's really what you make it for yourself, and so that's why we were just like man. We don't want our friends to miss out on what's in it for them, like on their calling, because we're so concerned about the calling of someone else or the actions of someone else.
Speaker 2:You know, jen, it's strange for me when I find myself doing that, looking at numbers, looking at likes and stuff like that what I do and this is a blunt admission I turn everything off, I just walk away, because then I realize at that moment you're about to start down a rabbit hole. That is a never ending rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I love that, because when you walk away from that, what you're really walking into is what Walking away puts you in a space, when you're walking into things that are going to serve you better.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Things where you can go intrinsic and really spend time with yourself in reflection and tap into and touch the things that matter. Right, really deciphering that doesn't matter. That's actually a waste of my time and energy or it's putting me in a bad place, right? So we got a little playful with fomo and I. I think I've heard this joy of missing out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, make it a joy of missing out, like oh god, jomo, okay, and if we elevate jomo we can go into pammo. Peace, peace about missing out. Okay, now that's a little too. Oh, come on play with me here.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm playing, but I don't know if I'm liking it because I'm going opposite of fear, right, fear of missing out, and then we're going to the spaces of joy. But it's so great to be at peace with the fact that I don't need to be keeping up with the joneses like I get to focus on my calling, what I'm supposed to do, and care about the people around me right, no, I, I totally agree, and I was just playing with you about that.
Speaker 1:I probably would never say that yeah, I think fomo jomo makes sense, but then you go pamo, that's like what?
Speaker 2:yeah um, but I'll play. I'm just, you know, probably not gonna say it out loud in front of people, right? Um, what I've noticed, jen, and this is so crazy when you stop caring on that level, like, I gotta get that, I gotta get my likes to this, I gotta get my my following to this, I gotta get I to play this song perfect the first time through, or I got to play the first set, flawless.
Speaker 1:Right, I have to do it just this way, or I have to see the words just like this the focus is so much on the thing that it's not about the act that you're actually participating in yeah, and who you're becoming right and who you're impacting and it's so much fun to play.
Speaker 2:It's so much fun to interact with people on social media. It's so fun to write, to produce, to whatever it is you're doing, and that's why you started doing it in the first place, because it was fun. But then some brainiac threw at us that we need to get people to like it and that's not the fun part.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not my job to make you like what I'm doing right it's only my job to do the thing that I do yeah, and there's so many growth and development workshops out there about not people pleasing?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yet look at the society we live in. Right, it's all about that.
Speaker 2:So that's all it's about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so I have some. Really, you know how I love questions because, as a coach that just speaks to me, I get to answer them. Yeah, oh, how I love questions because, as a coach that just speaks to me.
Speaker 2:I get to answer them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I love answering questions Go for it or share some philosophy around it. Sure, so, and I'm going to invite our friends and listeners to maybe journal or just reflect or talk with a friend about these two. So what have I been missing out on in my life while watching someone else's?
Speaker 2:And that's a question for me, yeah.
Speaker 1:Not necessarily for you, cause I know you don't really watch anyone else's life.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's the answer. You've been missing out on life watching someone else's. That's the problem with these big distractions from social media, and when I say it blanket like that, I'm talking about an excess of social media, an excess of TV. I was talking to a friend of ours about how Jen and I are able to move the needle and how we're able to remain focused in this journey, and I just simply removed a few key things, and those key things allowed me to have more time than I could ever imagine having, because I don't. Should I give a precursor to this? I don't. Should I give a precursor to this?
Speaker 2:I'm not knocking any television show. I'm not knocking any sport. I'm not knocking any thing that you may find enjoyable. It's just not for me. Yes, I found removing sports to add so much time to what I need to do. I also found removing television as far as sitcoms and favorite TV shows. Removing that added so much time and worth to what I'm doing. And so it's simple now I don't get caught up in someone else's life to live my own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that answer. You're like you're you're missing out on life period. Yeah, that's really good. So I'm going to give you all my perspective on this. I am a little more lenient when it comes to TV, a little so like. For example, I watched a rom-com an hour and a half while Corey was playing and that just fills my heart. It really does. But I just also watched oh, what was it called Building the Band Excellent show on Netflix, and I'm going to tell you why I'm giving it an excellent.
Speaker 1:I love watching shows that have to do with relationships building, how people form right Behavior, and that's all in there. So, honestly, this is what I do. I will pick a show that gets me in a very pensive state and excited about the things that I just am naturally drawn to. So get creative with it, right. We're not saying, or I'm not saying that all TV is bad. I think there's some really good educational pieces in there, and what we're saying at the end of the day is it's your time. You get to choose what to do with it right and how it propels you or how it holds you back. That's up to you.
Speaker 2:And I want to offer this last little thing. You know, if you're a speaker, a singer, a dancer and you were to perform the night that your favorite show came on, would you not watch? I mean, would you not perform to watch your favorite show or your favorite sports team? Or would you say you know what? I really need to go out here not only make this money, but do this thing I love to do, which is dancing, right, play or whatever it is, and catch that show at another time or maybe miss that episode.
Speaker 1:That's the way I align, what I'm trying to do yeah or catch up on it later. I think that's one of the cool things, too about the world we live in.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the next question is what distractions am I choosing that pull me away from what really matters?
Speaker 2:Well, that would be our mothers, that would be each other, that would be.
Speaker 1:Those are the distractions.
Speaker 2:That I'm allowed. I mean, and when I. They're not distractions, they're things that I'm deeming more important than something that I would normally do okay, I see how you've taken that question all right, how was it meant to be taken?
Speaker 1:just there's the thing. Those are the things that really matter, like your mom, like me, like the fuzzy furry forest and genco stuff. What distractions have taken you away from that at any point?
Speaker 2:oh, not much of anything for me. I'm just, I'm not here for that. I, I can't. I have a job to do, I'm focused.
Speaker 1:You are super focused. I feel like I'm more ADHD. I have to have my hands in every project a little bit at a time. Can I be honest, Corey? Sometimes I just get bored just being in the one thing, and I know that we've got so much so it makes it playful for me, almost like a game. I don't know, it just works for me.
Speaker 2:No, I totally get it.
Speaker 1:So I don't think those are really distractions. I think you and I are really good too about hey, we need some downtime. Um, we're going to take a trip over the weekend or we're gonna go ahead and make that reservation and use our magic keys for disneyland. You know those kind of things I've gotten better with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank goodness I used to struggle. I'm like, yeah, but I really got work to do right now yes.
Speaker 1:So the last question is what boundaries or rhythms would help me stay aligned to my own purpose and I love that word rhythm, because you know we're musicians and so that word just really speaks to me is finding your rhythm, hearing your own voice and being in harmony with people around you that are also aligned with what you're about. You know what I mean, because that just gets all sorts of messy and chaotic when I've got too much going on and it takes me away from what this is all about.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, first and foremost, we shouldn't be finding rhythms. I think we should be creating our rhythm. That's for me, if we're creating our rhythms, it's a lot easier to find the pace and the time that you're supposed to be keeping. Um, and I could go on and on and on and on about that. So I I'm just gonna leave it there, and if it landed with you, please let me know. If it didn't, please let me know. And, and I'll go into it deeper at a later date. But I'm just a believer in creating my own rhythm, my own pace. Um, because I like, uh, alternative music, old school alternative music, like nirvana, and when you start playing that kind of stuff, queen of the stone age, uh, that, that's the, the rhythm I like to keep just that, fast, hard.
Speaker 1:That's exactly your rhythm, that's exactly. But see, the beautiful thing about rhythm, and I have to dance to your rhythm. We're partners, we're married. I'll skip a couple of those beats. Yeah, so like, what was your rhythm right now?
Speaker 2:and see how it's constant mine might be.
Speaker 1:Didn't right and I just love that because I'm still on beat. I'm just not on the same count and so that's again.
Speaker 1:It shows how creating your own rhythm works, because if you're trying to go to mine, it might not work yeah you might not be ready for that pace exactly, but see how I can choose to jump in on a beat, step off a beat, and then I think, with Harmony, what I love about that, and I wrote this whole thing and I have every intention to write this blog. But we're redoing the gencocom so it's still up, but there's this blog I wrote and it's about Harmony and the beautiful thing about Harmony is you've got to be able to hear your own voice first.
Speaker 1:You've got to find your pitch and the note and where you're going. And then when you've got people in your life that are singing their own melody right, or they're bringing in the harmony, you start to listen to one another and build together, and so I'm very about that. I think that's a huge boundary for me is who am I in harmony with?
Speaker 2:and if there's no harmony, then you ain't coming over for food and getting leftovers when you go home, and so for you non-singers or non-music people trying to understand harmonic structure and and where jen probably thought that was a very simple explanation someone that's non-musical is like what is she talking about? What is harmony and how does that look? Basically, what she's saying is being lockstep with someone else, being able to walk stride for stride like you're marching in an army.
Speaker 1:But you're still singing your own note and it's a different note, but it blends.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You're still doing your thing Right, but it's in lockstep with someone else. That, or you're mimicking the person to the point to where it's you looking like them and them looking like you that that may not be a compatible match at that point in time that's right.
Speaker 1:So we're coming to close and I just had a closing challenge and then a note that I wanted to share. Corey and I are encouraging you to intentionally exercise the power and freedom of choice. Choose one thing to intentionally miss out on this week. Experience the joy of missing out on that.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:And then choose one thing that you're gonna say yes to in its place. Oh, I bet there are things. I have a list. I have a list of things that I need to say yes to or that are all cory true story on my to-do list. I have one. That's a list that's already marked on calendar because I know this is the milestone. I've got to hit it. And then I have a list that's under the category of someday Okay, Because it's like there and I know I need to get to it Right. So it doesn't. It's not that I'm ignoring it. I'm just saying I just don't know when this is going to get done, but my intentions are to have it done.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean yeah so get on your list and say yes to one of those things that's on your someday list. Oh, go ahead. Oh no, I was gonna ask what if you had anything to add um, to that point, no, but I did like that whole concept.
Speaker 2:So I'm interested to see if anyone will reach out to us and tell us what they put on the back burner and what they replace it with. What I will say is we have some really good, exciting news coming up about the Fuzzy Furry Forest, but it's not all completely developed yet, so I don't want to start giving little hints and dropping nuggets here and there. I will. I want to tell you guys the whole thing all at once and just buckle up. This is about to be one of those good, crazy rides that everyone's going to enjoy, I promise you.
Speaker 1:Yes. So I'm going to end with this love note from cory and I. It says my time is sacred, my purpose is worthy. I will not trade what I value for what distracts good stuff.
Speaker 2:you wrote that, mm-hmm Amazing. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Anyhow, you know us to take the elevator. We say, look up and let's elevate.
Speaker 2:Every day. Elevate Every day, elevate Every day. I wonder if they can tell we really miss them. Elevate.
Speaker 1:Every day.
