Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
362nd Floor: The Evolution of Romance - From Phone Lines to AI Matchmaking
Remember when finding a date meant passing notes, having friends play matchmaker, or actually—gasp—approaching someone in person? GentheBuilder and Kory take you on a nostalgic journey through the evolution of dating while sharing hilarious stories that will have you nodding in recognition or thanking your lucky stars you're not single.
Their generational journey through dating history covers everything from writing "I love you" on Vans sneakers to the Penny Saver phone dating lines (remember paying by the minute just to hear someone's voice?) to the chat room era that brought both connections and scams. They thoughtfully contrast these past approaches with today's swipe culture, examining what's been gained and lost along the way.
Whether you're happily partnered or navigating the dating scene yourself, this episode offers equal parts nostalgia, comedy, and genuine reflection on how technology continues to reshape our search for connection. How do you hope dating evolves for future generations? Share your thoughts and dating disaster stories with us!
Midlife is freaking hard. Let's flip the script.
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Hey, it's Jen the Builder, and.
Speaker 2:Corey, and welcome to Take the Elevator. Jen, how are you doing today?
Speaker 1:I am doing so well, I'm energized, I'm glad to be in air conditioning because it has been a hot one.
Speaker 2:That was my next question. How are you liking pre-summer?
Speaker 1:Pre-summer is coming awfully fast. We went to Disneyland inland in 95 degree weather. Um stood in the lines and for those who wear makeup and wear glasses, I think those are the worst conditions that you can be in while it's hot, and also having your hair down. I had all three of those things happening, because I had a great hair day so I wanted it down, needed to put makeup because I just love taking pictures and glasses so I could see.
Speaker 2:I love it. I love all of it, because it was very hot that day and I just think you know we had a lot of fun. We went with a friend again, excuse me and it was just a really good time. Hot, cold, raining, uh, whatever, we're gonna have a great time at disneyland. That's just one of the best places to go. And, yes, we, we are in Southern California, which means it gets hot early. So that's what Jen's explaining now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the reason why we're sharing this is because during the summer, things are sizzling and Corey and I are out and about, so there are things that we get to see. I thought, hmm, summer sizzling, fun activities. So I asked cory if we could please talk about some dating, um, seeing a dating theme, because here's the deal, here's the deal. We went out to eat. Yeah, I was about to say I'm gonna give some context here.
Speaker 1:Let me give a little more context. When I have downtime at home, I tend to watch rom-coms, chick flicks, right or um, like season dating shows, right. So for the season like love is blind, or whichever Friends suggest some to me, recommend them, so I'll catch them and see if I'm into them. So Corey and I were literally sitting next to a couple that walked in and as they were talking they were talking loud, so I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, it, just kind of fell on my lap.
Speaker 1:She was ear hustling but they were on a blind date and dude was a lawyer. I couldn't tell what she was. Um definitely communicated that she was very happy with her career, but guys like I learned all about them, how many kids they had, how many times they've been married, why it didn't work out what their kids do, the scholarships, the careers so our wonderful uh afternoon date turned into hey, let's listen to what they're talking about. I had never eaten a meal so slow in my life.
Speaker 2:It was quite entertaining. I have to say that much. If I said, oh, I didn't really get into it, I wasn't really feeling it, but I just excuse me again. I just found myself being drawn into this conversation Again. They were very loud with their conversation as we sat there. So, jane, getting the play by play, I had a great time.
Speaker 1:It was fantastic, great time and you and I, corey, we're looking at each other Like I hope she doesn't act desperate and oh, he's so full of himself.
Speaker 2:And she did and he was yes.
Speaker 1:My one of my favorite parts is um, then they get into their diet and the things that they do to stay healthy or get no judgment, but nowhere near a six-pack. But you know that's what they were talking about and she said you have a great body. And he reaches out his hand to take hers and says thank you so much yes so I was like oh no.
Speaker 1:And so of course we had our own commentaries in our minds and our heads at the restaurant and then, especially, in the car ride. But I just want to end this story with this. Cory was like we gotta go. We gotta go. I'm like no, it's getting to the best part, because here was the best part. They're gonna take their order.
Speaker 1:She hadn't ordered anything and she said you know, I don't really eat a lot. And uh, he says really. And she says why don't we just share a plate? He goes I don't really share plates, but, um, okay, and she said I'll tell you what. I'll just get a salad. He's like that's it. He'll have some of these.
Speaker 1:And he's throwing his hand out on the table because there's a big platter of oysters, oysters, raw oysters. And she says I've never had it. And he's like, oh, you've got to try one. She's like okay, and he's like this is the horseradish, you can have it, squeeze it with lemon, put hot sauce. And at that point cory wanted to go. And I tell you guys, that would have been the best part of my observation of the state, because eating oysters is an acquired taste and if you're not into texture of food. It's not the way to go and it's a, you know, big meat like he, I think, got the most expensive oysters. I love oysters, but again I wanted to see this sounds bad seeing. I was just gonna pause myself, but I'm just gonna say what I was gonna say. I kind of wanted to see your gag on it, like why would you even try an oyster?
Speaker 2:I have no idea. And had I known that that was the whole setup, I probably would have stayed. But I had just come back from the restroom and you know we had just paid the bill, I went and washed my hands and cleaned up a little bit and then I was like, okay, let's go. And so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So then we get into conversation and for those who are married, let us know if you've ever had this conversation with your partner or if you're dating. But I thought, how would it be if I was single in this time? Same with Corey, right. Like what would this look like if this was our first date and we were just getting to know each other? Like what would we talk about? So we're gonna go through dating in the past and the present, maybe talk about what it'd be like in the future and just ask some like rando questions around dating. Is that okay, absolutely so. Let's talk about dating in the past. Old school, courtship, old school, oh my. Now I'm going to start with our generation. Okay, and when I was younger, the very first thing that I remember about liking a boy and the boy liking me this was courtship, back in elementary school.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that's not dating.
Speaker 1:Oh, come on, let's just have some fun a little bit. Oh, my gosh, that's not dating. Oh, come on, let's just have some fun a little bit. Um, you know, guys, girls would write I love so and so on their shoes, on the bottom of their vans. Did you ever do that? No, okay, we did in my school, and that's how a guy professed his love for the, for the girl that was some serious love it was so fun I I not elementary, but by middle school I was buying jordans.
Speaker 1:So uh, oh yeah you don't write those things jordans no, no, yeah, these were vans. And I'm sure the parents, just you know, was like what did you just write on your shoe, or or passing love notes, right, yes, okay. So let's get to the older part of dating, corey. What was it like when we were younger?
Speaker 2:Between middle school, high school it was you know the letters or a friend would come up to you and say, do you have a girlfriend? Me personally, I was always saying, well, who wants to know? Because I don't want to just be like I probably should have said no or yes, depending on my status, but I always wanted to know who liked me before I made a move.
Speaker 1:Before you answered that question.
Speaker 2:And so that was typically the old school way. Or you just got bold enough one day and said, hey, I'd like to get to know you better, and if it went bad, you just tucked your tail and walked away right.
Speaker 1:So yeah, when we were younger, if you saw someone you thought was cute or you were interested in, you'd ask him on a date or ask him to go out. We never said do you want to go on a date? Right um, but yeah, do you want to go out? Or a friend would hook you up, like, oh, I have a friend and I think you're really gonna think she's cute.
Speaker 2:You, I'm gonna have you guys meet or the worst case scenario, your friend is dating someone and your parents won't let you go by your by themselves, and so they have to bring a friend, and you just so happen to be the single friend. Oh yes, and so you're just the bring-along, yeah. And then that person shows up and you're like oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, exactly, so there was that. Now you told me about something that I never got to enjoy, and so it's the phone dating. Yeah, there was this Lines, not apps, but phone dating lines.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was this. It was something connection, but basically you could you know. Oh, the ad was in the penny saver. We're dating ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's talk about the penny saver.
Speaker 2:Tell us about that, oh my gosh. So the penny saver was classy? Well, not classy, but classic for having. You could buy cars, you could Find jobs Find jobs or love, or read your horoscope or whatever and the penny saver came every Wednesday and pretty much to every house in the you know, isn't that something.
Speaker 2:In the county Absolutely, and so in the very back there was this connection line that you could call, and so you set up your profile, talk about yourself, what your hair looks like, what your face looks like, how tall you are.
Speaker 1:Like 36-year-old female looking for love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that type of deal and then so you can listen to these people talk and decide, based on what they were saying, if you were interested or not, and you could leave a message in their mailbox or what they're saying. Now swipe left and just think it's swipe.
Speaker 1:Is it left or right?
Speaker 2:I don't know, but you could do something to go to the next profile. And based on that and and people were very specific, like um, some people said they didn't date certain ethnicities some some people said, uh, they don't date bald men or men with beards and stuff like that. So that was one of the more interesting phone things that they had going on and I had a friend and a sister that really was into that. I didn't like that kind of. It was just weird to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And what was different about then? Not only was it just on the phone, but you didn't have photos, obviously, because it's phones, Right. So I would imagine that the voices that are being recorded, you're like using the most sexiest voice you've got and it's like sending all sultry, so like if I were to do it on the fly. Let's just no, please don't. No, it's going to be, I swear it's going to be clean. Okay, so it's something like hi, I'm Jen, a 20 or 28 year old female from Southern California looking for someone who loves movies, fun and walks on the beach. Oh, is it too long? You'd be like not interested, Not interested. Leave me a message, Right? That kind of way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's exactly what it was.
Speaker 1:Man, so you're just making these judgments based on voice and commonalities, really? Yeah, I'd never done that. I don't know how that got by me. I have no idea.
Speaker 2:Well, if you didn't read the Penny Saver, you probably wouldn't know about it, unless you had a friend that was doing it. And just so happened, my sister and one of her best friends were were heavily into that and that's how I found I found out about, otherwise I would have never known and it wouldn't just stay on the phone, like they actually said.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's meet in person well, they eventually exchanged numbers, because it cost a great deal of money to listen to all those profiles, right, because this is by the minute. So imagine paying like 35 cents a minute, oh wow, and you're listening to profiles that are, you know yeah, no wonder why you went.
Speaker 2:Beep on me and go to the next one exactly, and then so they would exchange phone numbers after the you know. So you would leave a message and say oh, my number is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then that person would call you, and then you would see if it would work from that point on yeah, no thanks, right.
Speaker 1:So then it's evolved right and I think I think that worked out well because it happened during the 80s and 90s 90s especially not everyone had access to the internet oh yeah, no, no right, no, internet was so that's what you did. Instead, fast forward, you start getting access to the internet. I think even before dating apps, it was um chat rooms. Yeah right, you just jumped into chat room. Now you don't even hear the voice, you're just typing away.
Speaker 2:And that was a mess. If I'm going to be honest about the dating scene, that was probably the messiest era of dating that whole chat room. And then you're sending messages and the message wasn't coming in real time at that point. You would send the message and in the beginning it would show up an hour later oh, it wasn't coming in real time.
Speaker 1:At that point you would send the message and it would.
Speaker 2:In the beginning it would show up you know an hour later, it wasn't even live chat, no, not at that point. It evolved over the course of time where you were able to get you know the message in real time but you know people started the scam almost immediately.
Speaker 2:So people were asking for money and can you help me get to, I mean New Zealand, and I want to come out there and see you. Can you send me money? Because people don't know where you are, they don't know what's going on and I just remember so many people being scammed over love.
Speaker 1:And what does that really say about the human need for love?
Speaker 2:and belonging right. Yeah for love and belonging right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like that would be believable enough for someone to send money or do whatever. So one of my favorite movies is still around that era on.
Speaker 2:You've got mail.
Speaker 1:I already knew it it's a brilliant movie if you have not seen it. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan Excellent movie, and so okay. So did you meet anyone or date anyone as a result of a chat room?
Speaker 2:A realistic date? No, okay. I just don't do those kind of things. I'm old school. I need to see you talk to you, get to know, you understand why you are the way you are and then move on from there. And then I definitely need that physical connection. I want to be able to say, oh yeah, she's pretty, oh yeah, I'm attracted to her, her. But to just see a picture and go on that or possibly, uh, just hear your voice or, you know, see a message.
Speaker 1:I need a little bit more than that, I think because of some experiences around that you have shows like love is blind, because they're only talking and it's, uh, an attraction of the heart, right, the conversation, and then it's really to see, did you really fall for that person, to where looks don't matter, like, and so it's an interesting study to see.
Speaker 2:It is, but I'm just not into falling in love over an idea and that's why I never have seen movies like Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail all the way through. I may have walked into the room while it was playing and I've heard people talking about it. One of my closest friends growing up loved that movie.
Speaker 1:Sleepless in Seattle Both yeah, because it's another Tommmy hanks.
Speaker 2:Right, ryan went, but even more so. Uh, you've got mel and I just thought to myself, like why would you like this movie so much? It's so like unreal. But this is what people started doing to try to find love yeah, yeah, I get it okay.
Speaker 1:So app era. So, as you can see, cory, and I don't know if it's swipe right or swipe left please someone help us help us out, maybe it's both who knows, but I've heard of things like tinder right, that's a dating app uh, I don't, I don't know. I mean, it could be we probably should have done some research on dating apps either way well, I thought we're just going to be talking about dating like dating yeah, well, but that it's interesting because our opinion on dating or our definition of dating is different.
Speaker 1:When I think dating, we're in the same room, sharing the same space, right going out, getting to know each other, seeing what activities we like to do, you know that kind of thing. Some people think texting is a form of dating or relationship or you know, I know it's like well, yeah, that's communication.
Speaker 2:No, or even people who game, they have relationships through the game yeah and guys, I'm not knocking any style of getting to know someone. What I'm simply saying for me is that I need to see table side manner, I need to see what the interactions with other people are like and, if there's children involved, I want to know that there's a, a decent mother that is taking care of children and and making sure things are set up the right way right and seeing their interaction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just can't see that stuff over a game or through an app or yeah, well, I think too that leads to ghosting.
Speaker 1:A good friend of ours said that she goes on amazing dates and she thinks there's a real connection. They're laughing, they have things in common, they're talking about how some of their things match up for future, and then there's the ghosting Right, right. So I don't know, maybe we as a society have gotten so used to these quick moments and just that connection in itself was enough, and then it's on to the next. You know, that kind of way it's almost like the same way we experience life, um, swiping up as you go through your Instagram reels or your Tik TOK and stuff like that, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, I would hate to hear that, because I still believe in love and I still have hope for love. Uh, for you know, we got two children that are not married and I would hope that they would be able to find love at some point in time in their lives.
Speaker 1:It's it just saddens me to think that people won't meet each other because they just want to be on an app, right, and I mean, let's be real too, it's post-pandemic stuff too right, like we were very closed off for a few years yeah, but we didn't experience the pandemic like everybody else did. I mean, we were a little bit bolder and adventurous you're talking about you and I yeah, yeah, but I'm talking about other people and the anxiety that comes with that yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So, post-pandemic world, um, anyhow. Um, let me ask you a question should friends still set each other up, or is that a thing of the past? That's a thing of the past, it's gone. Oh yeah, why do you say no so convictingly?
Speaker 2:Because I just remember like if your friend is setting you up and you're single, it's something going on with you right at that moment, and most of the time it's not you're just single. It's because you're going through something. You just had a bad experience. You're not ready for dating lack of job, lack of a car, lack of money, something's wrong. So, friends, setting you up usually is like a ticking time bomb for whatever is in the in the shadows to pop its head out and you're like, oh my God, that's why you aren't dating anyone Got you Okay.
Speaker 1:So that's dating in the present Right man. It just makes me even more grateful, just to be married yeah. All right. So let's talk about the future of dating, because one of the things that came to my mind is do we trust AI enough to be the algorithm that finds your soulmate? I don't know. Ai I'm not going to lie is growing. It's pretty impressive with the things that it can do. Would you trust AI, corey?
Speaker 2:So here's my theory, and I'm going to just throw this out there. If you've ever tampered with, played with or utilized AI for any given reason, what you'll know is that there's a lag as of late, especially if it's images or yeah, it's saying we can't process that.
Speaker 1:Try again, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, even bigger lag, because AI is still based on a system that needs a certain amount of energy and horsepower and ram to be able to process this stuff, and if human beings keep on trying to lean on AI as hard as they're trying to, it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse. I don't see how it's gonna be able to self-sustain for a long period of time. That's just my personal opinion.
Speaker 1:I can see that I think that's a very educated guess at the future of AI.
Speaker 2:So AI may be setting you up with a cousin or your dog or something in the future and you're like wait, imagine I want someone who's loyal.
Speaker 1:I don't mind someone who's hairy, I like someone who likes belly rubs.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh, yeah, exactly how about virtual reality dating?
Speaker 1:so just like getting on facetime or zoom to have a have a date, first date, second date yeah, you're talking to the wrong person.
Speaker 2:That just it. To me it wreaks desperativity. It has all these elements of fantasy land and fantasy world and we're gonna make this sound really, really good and and you can have your own setting. But the true test of a good relationship is time together.
Speaker 1:I get that. I think I have a differing opinion on that actually.
Speaker 2:I so want to hear this.
Speaker 1:If I were to be dating, I can see the benefits of oh, let's have our first date virtual, like, let's just chat and see each other and and gauge it from there. Um, you don't have to get totally dressed up, at least from the waist down I could, um, I don't know. And then it's cheaper, like, and no one is to worry about who's paying for this. Where do we meet up? I don't know. It just feels a lot more convenient. And, um, I I think, because I've been in the virtual world at work, I I want to say that I feel like I have experience in um, in communication and reading the room even there.
Speaker 2:So I hear what you're saying. Thanks for hearing me. There's a potential in this ideology that you're putting out over the World.
Speaker 1:Wide.
Speaker 2:Web. However, there's a reality to this. Yeah, and maybe a lot of women I won't say all women, but maybe a lot of women would would be able to uphold this standard of morality on this zoom dating and act appropriately. But I can't say that for all men, because I'm a man and I got a lot of male friends and you're talking about being half-dressed from the waist up and going to dinner and it's going to get crazy really, really quick. And if there's any man out there listening, please chime in, help your brother out, because I guarantee you there's going to be some weird stuff happening. If there's one Zoom date Because somebody's going to say, oh, I don't have a lot of money this month, let's have another one, and before you know it, it's not just a dating app, it's turning into something totally different. I think it's called OnlyFans and then that's it.
Speaker 1:You're funny, it's wild man. I'm telling you like, at that point, if we both decided, okay, yeah, let's meet up. Right, like we enjoyed that conversation, let's meet up. If it became one excuse after another after another and he kept wanting to be on zoom or facetime, I'd be like, no, I need, I need face to face interaction. I just think, for the first date, I'd totally be open to virtual actually. Yeah, absolutely would be okay. That's me, though. Okay, I don't know much about the metaverse, but I've heard you know like what do you think? I mean, cory, I know what you think, but let's just talk about what that would look like. Avatar dating, I right, oh, no, so strange not for me.
Speaker 2:Again, I'm not knocking anything. Anyone wants to try anything. Anyone says they're going to do. If that's your thing, then go for it, and I wish you nothing but the best. But for me personally, can't do it, can't go there, yeah.
Speaker 1:I hear you, so I'm going to ask our listeners, our fellow elevators, what do you hope dating looks like in the future? Maybe not because you're going to be dating, but maybe you have children who are going to be dating, or you've got nieces and nephews and you're like this is what I hope it looks like for them.
Speaker 2:And a lot of my rationale is for my children who are not married and again I have hoped that they will find love, they will get married, they will have a couple of children and, by the way, I may be giving way too much information, but all three of our children do not have children and Jen and I are both in our 50s so we want some grandkids at some point in time and if dayton doesn't balance itself out and they find love quickly, it may be too old to enjoy the children guys, we've honestly thought about creating reels or video so our future grandchildren could see like what it could have been like they come earlier, like you would have been going to disneyland with us right here, right now you would have been on this ride and enjoying right we would have been matching ears.
Speaker 1:You know, there's the disneyland hotel and there's the pool we could have swam in, but anyhow, yeah, that's another topic. But I'm going to ask two questions, corey, and then we're going to end today's episode. What's the worst date you've been on?
Speaker 2:worst date, oh my gosh, worst date I've ever been on, and I'll tell you so. I was planning on going to universal studios with this young lady that I met. I was working for radio shack at the time and I met this girl. She came in, she bought something and then she came back in and we we talked for a few minutes and I was like, hey, why don't we get together? And so she said sure, you know what. I'm going to Universal Studios on Saturday. You want to go with me? I'm like, okay, yeah, that sounds good. So she was like meet me at this address and I'll drive. Oh, okay, let's see how this goes. So I drove to the address and it was a Saturday morning and it was a bus depot, okay, and she was a bus driver oh, you and Matt met her no, I met her it she came into the store oh, yes, yes
Speaker 2:and so I met her at the bus depot. She's a bus driver and there's like 45 church kids on the bus and I'm supposed to get on the bus with her and ride to universal studios. And it just got worse and worse and it was just one of those nightmarish dates, because you get to Universal Studios, I couldn't even get in. Why? Because there was something with the way they had it set up for invitation only and it was like a church or pre-sale yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I couldn't get in at that time, where I was going to have to pay an absorbing amount of money to get in and I wasn't technically with the group and then. So she was like, well, I don't have to go in either. So we stayed on the bus and it was hot, oh my God, it was miserable. And I think there was a pack of crackers and a couple of pieces of cheese and I was like, can we go to, like get food? She was like I can't move the bus, so then we would have had to walk.
Speaker 1:And there wasn't a universal city walk then no. Oh, Corey, that is a really bad date.
Speaker 2:Really bad.
Speaker 1:Needless to say, there was no second.
Speaker 2:No, second date You're like heck.
Speaker 1:No, no, wow, that's a good story. Sorry guys, that's a good story. Do you want to share best date?
Speaker 2:ever best. Best date ever was when we got back together for the second time. Yeah, and it had had its roller coaster moments, but overall that was the best date that I'd ever had.
Speaker 1:No today that was good. Good yeah, a lot of drama too. Like I mean I could write a short book on that night.
Speaker 2:Or a very good comedy sketch.
Speaker 1:That was great. Well, if you want to share your worst dates ever, or best dates ever, please go ahead and do so. We'd love to hear it and let us know if we can share.
Speaker 2:I love how you got out of answering those questions, but yes, let's yeah, because you know we're way past the 30 minute mark.
Speaker 1:Anyhow, that's what happens when you produce a show. I get to say what, say say who and say when. Okay, pretty woman, well, you know us to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every day.
