Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
357th Floor: Love, Race, and the Reality in Between
What happens when a Black man and a Filipino woman fall in love and build a life together for nearly two decades? Kory and Gen pull back the curtain on their interracial relationship, revealing the beautiful and challenging reality they've navigated since meeting at an unexpected place.
Their story transcends typical discussions about race by delving into the personal experiences that shaped their worldviews before they met. Kory shares how growing up Black meant dealing with overt racism where "people either treated you very well or very bad," while Gen describes navigating the unique challenges of being Filipino-American, often facing "invisibility and stereotypes" in spaces that failed to acknowledge Asian identities.
Family acceptance didn't come instantly. These growing pains eventually transformed into genuine love and acceptance across family lines.
Perhaps most revealing are their candid discussions about navigating public spaces as an interracial couple. Rather than becoming bitter, they've protected their peace and developed empathy.
Their relationship stands on a foundation of shared values and mutual cultural immersion. As Kory says, "You marry someone, you marry into the culture and the history." The journey has taught them patience, forgiveness, and the wisdom to choose their battles. Their powerful message for listeners? In the fight against racism, "the more love you pour on this fire, the quicker it's going to go out."
Connect with us and join a conversation that brings understanding, not assumptions. Look up, and let's elevate!
Hey, it's Jen, the Builder, and Corey. Welcome everyone to Take the Elevator where we rise together, one conversation at a time.
Speaker 2:Indeed.
Speaker 1:Corey. Before we get into it, by the way, let's talk about what our topic is. Sure, this one is pretty personal to us and it may be titled something like Love Race and the Reality in Between.
Speaker 2:I like that. Yeah, love race and the reality in between.
Speaker 1:I like that, yeah. So before we get into it, you've got an important date coming up this weekend.
Speaker 2:I got a couple of important dates coming up. We're going to be in Redlands on the 26th of April and we're going to be performing at J Riley's, which is going to be a hoot and a blast. I can't wait for that night because we haven't been there in over a year and some very sentimental reasons that it brings back to me to want to be there. Also, we're looking forward to our fourth installment of our children's book series, which is Kelly Kanga. I'll let you take that away.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. So, as you mentioned, it is our fourth book and she is the first one that we're writing on a female character. And, ladies, gentlemen, kids, this one's for you, kelly Kanga, is about a mom. This one's for you, kelly Kanga, is about a mom and a parent relationship with their child, especially as their children grow up, and we know how tough that can be. This one's near and dear to my heart. I love that it's coming out in May, which is Mother's Day month, and in time for Father's Day. And, as if the story in the book was not enough in itself, the soundtrack, the song that goes with it, is so beautiful. And, corey, I'm wondering how we can get this song in the hands of our forest friends. I know we still have to talk about that, but I think this is like it's got to be. A package is just how I feel.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:We'll work on that this is like it's got to be. A package is just how I feel. Absolutely, we'll work on that. I love it all right, so please come out this weekend, love to party with you at jay riley's great live music from the shameless band I, by the way I need to put this out there I really enjoyed the playlist that the bands put together and I love how flexible the band's become. Like not one set is the same as the other, right, and I know that's recently changing cory. Y'all are doing such a great job bringing those songs forward thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, we do our best right.
Speaker 1:so let's talk about today. So we're opening up about something super close to our hearts and we're talking about race, racism and being in an interracial relationship. For those who don't know, Corey is a black man and I am proud to be a Filipino-American woman. So for years now, Corey, we're almost celebrating an anniversary. I believe it's our 19th year that's coming up in August. So I love when you brought this episode and the topic up, because for years we've walked side by side and that's been through love, laughter, culture, clashes which we have not talked about, and we've had some real conversations about identity, privilege and pain. So I think, although there's been some moments where it hurt, there have been some amazing healing moments as well, being an interracial couple. So we want to bring those forward today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so if you're listening to this and saying, okay, what value do I get from this couple being in an interrelation, interrelation interracial relationship?
Speaker 1:Excuse me yeah.
Speaker 2:There's more to it than just being interracial. There there is the race part, which I'm going to break down my point of view, my POV, and Jen's going to break down hers, and I'm quite sure you'll be able to pull some things from both of our experiences and our points of views yeah, so brief history of our relationship.
Speaker 1:This one is how we met. Oh boy, yeah, and I think we've touched on it a few times throughout all the episodes. Uh, Corey and I met at a club and it was during a time where I was just not wanting to be in a relationship. I was like done you know? Um, and so I went to a club where no one really knew me. Uh, the music was great at the time. I thought the atmosphere was fun and there was definitely no way I was going to meet someone that could possibly come into my life and I start a relationship with them. Like, I thought this was the furthest place away from that happening.
Speaker 2:Right and I was working at the club as a bouncer. And this club it was a gay club and I'm just going to put that out there so anyone and everyone can not have to wonder and guess. And so I was in a really strange place in my life because I hadn't had a job a nine to five job in years, a nine to five job in years and so this was my first uh, nine to five outside of music recording and and all this good stuff, and I really didn't know what I wanted to do. And I come out of, uh, a private school setting and it really burned me bad because I just seen things being done to children that I just didn't agree with. So I wanted to get as far away from that atmosphere as possible, but also didn't want to get too far away from the music club party scene, just wasn't expecting to be in a gay club. But that's where I ended up and that's how I was making my money at the time bouncing at a gay club yeah.
Speaker 1:So I mean, I had a great time and it was really funny how we met. Um, I was drunk out of my mind I really was, and a girl that I had met there, um, and that was the thing about this place, everyone was just super friendly, yeah. And so she looked over at you. I looked over at you and thought, hmm, that's interesting. And of course, a question that came up and always did in a setting like that is I wonder if he's gay or straight. So, anyways, she asked if I wanted to meet you and corey.
Speaker 1:I swear she acted like she knew you she did not, she she made it seem, or at least I thought no she was like a friend of yours.
Speaker 2:She really did, and when she came up to me she even asked me what's your name again, cory?
Speaker 1:and uh, she said I want you to meet someone and wait, did you think she was coming up to you for herself? I did, ah, oh, I hope I didn't disappoint. No, absolutely not so, yeah, she introduced um, and it was funny because I asked cory. The first question I asked cory was, of course, are you gay or are you straight? And uh, you answered and we just started a little conversation. But anyways, that's how we met. What I love about our story is that we were both running from something and some things some things, yes, and our universes were so parallel we didn't even know it no
Speaker 1:we didn't even know it and it took us by surprise. Uh, we had some ups and downs and so here we are, and the reason why I think we share this story about being interracial is it's important, because not everyone has an interracial relationship. But what I want to emphasize is that there's so much beauty in differences, but it really calls for us to be in it and to really understand and want to be a part Of the other culture, or, you know? I think it's really helped us be creative with how we continue to live this life.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, no doubt, in wanting to know about other cultures and wanting to know about other backgrounds and how these practices and celebrations and all these things have evolved over the course of years, because you have a very rich history being from the philippines, uh, yeah, and it's very interesting and intriguing and I can tell well, I could tell when I first met you, um, that there was more to it than just, oh, I'm filipina, you know right, right, uh, yeah.
Speaker 1:So there is quite a bit of pride and pain in my heritage, more pride than anything, absolutely and I love that you said filipino. A lot of people don't know this, like I had a person come up to me and say hey, should we say filipine x? We say Philippine X because Filipino is so male. The interesting thing about Filipino culture our language doesn't have a female male version.
Speaker 1:There's no he, she, it's just the same which is something I'm very proud of in my culture is that there's not the differentiation when we talk. So you can call me Filipino there's no offense in that and you can also call me filipina. You know it's, it's the same. Yeah, so when we first got together, one of the questions is is well, you live in southern california, you're brown, he's black. How many issues can really be happening here?
Speaker 2:Oh, you have no idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There's always issues when people don't look exactly the same. And you know what? Actually, there's even issues when you do look the same, because people are constantly trying to figure out how to separate you one way or another, out how to separate you one way or another For one reason people like to have power over things that are different, and even if you look like them, it's something that people really want to try to do is separate by power having one up, having the last word or oh yeah, I did this to demean or break down this person. So there's always something that's going to come up in any relationship, whether you look alike, you don't look alike, but even more so when you don't. People love to bring up those things that may be challenges.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. What I love about this part of what we're going to talk about, Corey, is that our story is not colorblind. Color has been an issue for us, amongst other things. So let's talk about you being black. Can you share a little bit about how that shaped your view of safety, trust and freedom right here in America? What's that been like?
Speaker 2:Well, when I was younger, I was able to navigate that a little bit easier, because if people didn't like you, they just pretty much told you straight up, you know. And so there was no feelings of well, I don't know how they feel or I'm confused on how I'm being treated. You were either treated very well or treated very bad, based on what people thought about you, and most of the time they wanted to get it out and just say something about your color, your uh, where you come from, where they want you to go back to what you've never been, um, all those wonderful things and, uh, and. And, by the way, there's a good amount of people that identify as Negro or Black, that have never been to Africa or don't have any heritage or roots in Africa. So when they would tell you, go back to Africa, it was very foreign, because that just wasn't something we had a clue about. That molded a lot of how I navigate life as a child and growing up.
Speaker 2:Again, this wasn't all bad. There was a lot of really good parts, because there's a lot of really good people out there that don't do these negative things or have these negative behaviors that don't do these negative things or have these negative behaviors. As I became more into my teenage, young adult years, I just kind of always had a very diverse group of friends that I hung out with. Nobody was one way or another, it just really depended on the season pretty much, you know. So I had friends in every ethnic background and it just was a blast because everybody was open to hanging out and having a good time yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's interesting because while you were living in a world pretty much where people either liked you or didn't like, you told you um, my world being filipino, is a little different. I had to navigate in spaces of invisibility and stereotypes. So us asians usually just kind of fall to the back right, we don't say anything, we're a quiet group. We're known to be the smart, nerdy ones. Um, I've even heard things like oh, you know, asians smell like garlic or it's just things like that, but it's very invisible and I think that's a big part of our culture.
Speaker 1:You know, we just respect people to the utmost, or at least we portray to respect people to the utmost by being very agreeable, not really having any pushback or fight back. We've been a very resilient culture that has stood a lot of things as far as bullying and takeovers and violence, you know, in the Philippines. And then there's been this hope that has been sustained to get out of it, and a lot of hope from Filipinos to come to America and they believe in the American dream. So I was raised in a, in a home where we were very grateful to be here, and so you didn't take anything for granted, you just kind of took what America gave you.
Speaker 2:You know that kind of way.
Speaker 1:So now we're talking about these two cultures clashing and being brought together, and I'm going to say something, and it's not to offend my family. I love my family to death. But, man, is it important to have these experiences because you can see the growing edges that need to happen in your family? In my Filipino family, a lot of us don't have the typical straight Asian hair. Ours is very curly, frizzy, right, and my family loves to play ball, we love to dance, we love to sing. I just saw so much similarities between Filipinos and Blacks. That's just how I'd always seen it, so it felt very natural for me to be dating you, a black man. I was shocked when I had certain family members that weren't as accepting and they didn't say it straight out in the beginning, but in conversation I heard it and it was I don't know what the term is cory, but wasn't blatant racism? It was really a lack of knowledge and so it became racist. Is how I translate it you know, what I mean.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and I remember I was just ready to separate from that. I was disappointed, I was hurt and I was going to defend my man, like because it was an injustice.
Speaker 2:I felt like you don't even know him, you're judging him based on color and you just took a whole nother approach yeah, um, it's important, very important to know history, very important to know history, culture and understand where all this stems from, where it comes from. Colorism is a big thing in all nationalities.
Speaker 1:Colorism.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it seems that there's this big push to be a lighter hue so that you can fit in Western society better. The misnomer is that, no matter how light you are, wherever you're from is where you're from.
Speaker 1:Asians do that too. I know Like bleaching of the skin. Yeah, yeah, it's intense.
Speaker 2:It's very intense and this was something that was going on really broad back in, you know. I would just say back in the day, because it's still happening, but it was more prevalent long ago to be as fair-skinned as possible so that you would be able to be accepted by Western society. But again, if you know this culture and you know this environment well, as I do, it doesn't matter how fair your skin is. Wherever you're from is where you're from and you're going to catch all the hell that comes along with being from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There's no easy way to do this.
Speaker 1:Right. So let's talk about a little bit more, because I want to give our friends some more insight to us being interracial, absolutely um. So long story short. My family came around and they just fell in love with cory and I'm just so happy about that. I'm happy we stuck it through. I'm so glad, cory, that you reminded me like hey, jen, I prayed for a wife who has a big family and this is what I've been given and I refuse to have you mess that up.
Speaker 2:Like you know, let's give your family a chance well, it was giving them a chance for us, but more so giving them a chance for you, because it is your family, right, and I refuse to let a little bit of ignorance stop Break up family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, stop and break up family. Yeah, because family is a value of ours for sure. Absolutely and so we started. I love that because in our interracial relationship, we really started to identify the values that we have that are the same and those were the things that kept us grounded, so family definitely being one of them. Speaking of family, I remember when I first met your mom and she's a sassy woman you know, she's spunky and she's going to let it be known what she's thinking.
Speaker 1:And when I met her, very nice interaction, but I remember her looking me up and down and it was a slow up and down and she said, corey, you always did like the women with the long hair. And, uh, I don't know if I translated it wrong, but I know that typically, um, for black women, you know they have shorter hair and if they grow it it takes a lot of care and nurturing and you know all that stuff. And I just I didn't know it didn't feel right, it didn't feel like a compliment, that's for sure. Um, and I get it Like she's a black woman and she loves her son and she loves who she is. So I started to see things from her point of view, where I'm sure, growing up, her wish for her son was to marry a beautiful black woman like her, you know, and. But the relationship is amazing. I consider your mom like my own mom. She even introduces me. She's like this is my daughter. She's not my daughter-in-law, she's my daughter, um, but we had some growing pains in that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I'll say this I've always been the kind of person, kind of man, that I want what I want and I'm not concerned about what everybody wants for me. Sometimes people do know what's better for you, but in most occasions I'm a really good determiner of what's going to be good for me. And at the moment that I met you where I was and where you were, and what we were looking for, what our backgrounds presented, the children that we had already acquired prior to one another I knew you were going to be the best thing for me.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:You're welcome.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad that you saw that. So the last bit of hard or difficult moments being interracial, for me especially is and it still happens to this day there have been stares from black women when I'm with you, to you, at me. There's been comments about you being a sellout because you're not with a black woman. So therefore, how really proud of you, how really proud of being black, are you when your wife's not black, and I just want to hand it over to you and give you some time to talk about that.
Speaker 2:so my pride does not exist in who I'm married to, my honor and my care does not exist in who I'm married to, um, that has to come from me and only me. And if I'm not proud of me for being who I am and what my mom and dad brought into this world, and I've already started on the wrong track and I'm pretty much lost at that point, and so that's never been a? Um a thing that I've struggled with. As far as who I am, and when people say, again, ignorant things, I try not to be offended.
Speaker 2:There's very I have very thick skin. There's very little that penetrates me, and the reason why is because I grew up in a society well, not in a society, but in a neighborhood like where I grew up, there were plenty of bullies and me being one of the smaller children on the block and didn't have any brothers and every kid had three or four brothers I had to endure and take up for myself and fight some battles that I wasn't prepared to fight. So this stuff is petty to me. It doesn't really move the needle that much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it's just been a beautiful bridge that we've been able to build over time, because, even though I'd like to say I'm tough skinned, it just would really aggravate me, honestly, like I just thought it was super ignorant and I was like what's the big deal? So when Corey and I are out in public, one of my favorite things is Corey, you pick up on that when women look at me and look at you and the hand holding becomes a little more intense or I'm holding on to you just a little bit tighter pull her a little closer.
Speaker 2:And again, it's not to be offensive of it to anyone um, this is who I'm married to, this is my wife, so I should be doing those things. It's more, to say your stare is not going to stop me from doing what I'm doing. Your um non approval Look, won't change what's happening over here. And in so many words, shame on you. Yeah, as if I will.
Speaker 1:If I wasn't with you, I would be with them who are?
Speaker 2:in so many words. Shame on you, yeah, as if I will. If I wasn't with you, I would be with them. Who are, who are giving the looks or the stares, and guys, those of you listening. I have no malice in my heart for anyone that may come across, Jan and I, what it is is simply this um, you have to stand up and protect what is yours. Period, full stop yes, beautifully said.
Speaker 1:Um, that's romantic. I mean I'm just going to say so, yeah, so there's that piece. So has racism been real in our relationship? Yeah, oh yeah, and it's been personal. Go into a store, even in our 50s right, go into a store, and I'm very aware of when security starts following us and it is now we can. I can joke about it before. It would just frustrate me and I wanted to do like a turnaround and be like what the heck is wrong with you? Could you be any more obvious, and how wrong are you for following us this way?
Speaker 1:right and I remember you said, jen, it's not even worth it. It's the world we live in and I'm not trying to get into any arguments today over their ignorance or you know them feeling that this their job. So what it's taught me is patience. It actually has given me empathy and understanding towards people like that, because I don't know what is in their experiences, what their background is, and it's just sad that it is what it is Right. So I don't really blame them for it.
Speaker 2:I just kind of wonder, man, I wonder what has happened that makes you act this way right, yeah, yeah, I have nothing to say about that, and you know I could go on and on and on, but again, that's just wasted time, effort and energy trying to explain something that should not be anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because at the end of the day, you choose to speak up or you just choose to protect your peace, right? I mean, we use our voice in many different things, but I don't want to be that voice that has to speak up in every instance.
Speaker 2:No, there's plenty of dragons to slay, and that's just not one of them, that's more like a worm, so I'm going to leave that one to the worm slayers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so Corey, break it down for us. What has intersectionality taught us as a couple?
Speaker 2:Well, it's taught us, as you said, patience. It's taught us kindness. It's taught us some long-suffering, a lot of what the definition of love in the Bible is. It's taught us that because you have to have those things, regardless of if you're in a interracial relationship or not please forgive that tongue-tying phrase you have to navigate that whether you're in a relationship like this or not. But it's even more key to carry some of those traits because you just have to learn how to forgive people and move on again. You talked, you said it best. Are you willing to protect your peace or you're willing to try to fight every battle on this hill that's going to be here for the rest of your life?
Speaker 1:definitely, definitely. I think one of the things that it's taught me and what I've loved to see is you just totally immerse in the Filipino culture. When I see you, I'm like Corey's part Filipino, Like you know, you even pick up on the language.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a part of it. You know, you marry someone, you marry into the culture and the history and you want to pick up on all things that they are, as you have done the same thing with me. You know I lead a lot of black history, black culture type events and you're right there by my side learning about the things that black culture has presented for many, many years, and you know I'm an advocate of teaching people things that are not the mainstream or not the norm. So again, you're able to follow along and I love that You're just showing you what I'm doing and watching how intrigued you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's been the best has been learning from you and your culture and the pride that you have in the history and the things that you bring forth for everybody else to learn about. I love how different it is and it really puts me in that seat of student and you're the teacher and there's so much beauty in it and I think that's what's important with people, with our cultural differences. We need to have those conversations and we just need to share and be curious about each other and our culture. It's so beautiful when we take the time to do that, especially when you get to see it for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think we answered what keeps us grounded. I love that you brought up what the Bible says about love. For sure, for those who want to know what scripture that is, it's 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 7. It's a beautiful verse about love, and I think our hope for the world is really one of courage and compassion today, that there is healing on both sides of this conversation.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, kermit, I'm going to ask you you a question, because I feel like I've been talking a lot in this. I think we've both been talking you think so? Yeah, um, but what's something that you really feel that you need to say in this episode that maybe you haven't said already?
Speaker 2:well, I'm gonna go here and this is not going to be a popular place to go, but I feel compelled to talk about it. We hear a lot about race, racism and how people are being treated. I think honestly, if we just begin to focus on love, we could overcome so much more on that topic than to be worried about race, color and who's doing what and wrong to everyone. Is it important? Absolutely. I would never put a weight on what's more important or not important, but I would definitely say, in your plight to extinguish racism, the more love you pour on this fire, the quicker it's going to go out perfectly said, perfectly said.
Speaker 1:I was going to end with some. I'm'm going to add one thing, sure, so you know, we're about elevating, and I just know that we don't rise by avoiding hard conversations, but rather we rise by having them. And I was going to call out honesty, honor and heart and love yeah.
Speaker 1:We forget about how powerful that force is, yeah, beautiful. So hopefully, today, our call to action to you, as our friends and elevators, is just have a conversation today that brings understanding, not assumptions, and love one another. Yeah, yeah, and you know us at Take the Elevator, we say look up and let's elevate, elevate Every day, elevate Every day.
Speaker 2:Elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every day.
