Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
347th Floor: Stretching Yourself and Others
Friendships can be a rollercoaster, can't they? We dive into the emotional complexities of friendships that shift from delightful to demanding, sharing stories of how one-sided relationships can lead to gossip and hurt. An incident that tested our own friendships sparks a conversation on recognizing when relationships need a healthy stretch or a serious reassessment. We also touch on professional strains, hinting at future discussions about workplace boundaries and tensions. It's a heartfelt reflection on the nuances of human connection and the need for mindful relationship management.
Embracing change is a theme that resonates with us all. We recount personal stories of leaving toxic work environments to chase opportunities that align with our passions. This isn't just about quitting a job; it's about the courage to pursue growth and never settling for complacency. We introduce the empowering concept of a "stretch partner," someone who shares your dreams and keeps you motivated. As we visualize our return to the stage, we invite you to dream big and share your goals with your stretch partner. Celebrate your milestones, embrace challenges, and find joy in the journey of growth—professionally and personally.
Look up, and let's elevate!
We're Chris and Danny, two long-time college friends (and...
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every day. Hey, it's jen the builder and cory, and welcome everyone to take the elevator. It's so good to have you here it's so good to be here. Right.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:End of January and I can be obsessed over the dates, I think because they're just going by so fast.
Speaker 2:Well, we can be obsessed over the dates for a couple of reasons, but yeah, they are going fast and sometimes it seems like faster than others, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so first. First, let me start off with a happy lunar new year to people who celebrate new year on the 29th oh yeah yeah, so you know where I'm going. It's year of the snake. Talked about this, yes, and, cory, I know you're gonna probably share more on this, oh yeah I'm oh yeah, I'm going crazy right now, but Sheriff Slinky Snake boy. He was playing hard to get. I did not know if we were going to make the deadline for it to actually be available for Lunar New Year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was a trip of a journey.
Speaker 2:It got really difficult for a second there and just to share a little bit about that. So we thought we were having some issues with Amazon. Turns out that the issues were on our half. User.
Speaker 1:User error.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we fixed the error. So we thought, and we just kept running into some issues brick walls, roadblocks and road bumps and when you're in that kind of situation and time is short, you just feel like man, I'm never going to get this right and I'm about to have to pay some big money to get out of this. And I'm pleased to say we didn't have to come out of pocket to get it fixed and it made it out by the Lunar New Year.
Speaker 1:That's right, we learned the hard way. But you know what I love? It was quite a bit of stress, a little bit of pressure. Right, there's this book. We announced it, oh my God. We said 111. We said, just kidding, 117. And that didn't happen.
Speaker 2:Just kidding again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's like we don't really know when didn't happen. Just kidding again, yeah, and it's like we don't really know when, um, and so what I loved is that you and I I feel elevated into the next level of collaborating and just figuring it out together, and we supported one another and we didn't go into space of frustration no to where we'd have regrets about what we said or how we acted. You know that kind of way, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I have to say this because everyone that asked me about the book, except one person it was only one, but everybody else said is everything okay? Are you okay, is everything all right? Like they were very concerned. There was only one person that said, oh, I thought you were having a book come out and I was like, hmm, and that doesn't bother me. I'm just. You know, that doesn't bother me at all and I expect that from certain people because that's their job.
Speaker 1:You know, everyone has I love how you said that's their job Everyone has. Well, what do you mean?
Speaker 2:by that Everyone has. Well, what do you?
Speaker 3:mean by that? Everyone has something they're supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1:That's funny. Okay, so that's a huge announcement. I have one too, so hopefully you all have had some highlights. In the last week I got to meet a good friend's baby for the first time. Oh yeah, yeah, I met little Sabrina and it for the first time. Oh yeah, yeah, I. Um, I met little sabrina and it was her first time in a restaurant and she did so well. She just chilled in her um baby seat, she wasn't fussy, she let me hold her. I had a few moments with her, smiling and just we were talking. You know we were connecting and I got great pictures. But she's so cute, gory Sabrina, I it was. It was a pleasure meeting her.
Speaker 2:Wow, incredible. I'm glad to hear that I was not there and I, um, I wasn't supposed to be there actually.
Speaker 1:But you know, I'm just saying I wasn't there, I wasn't supposed to be there actually, but you know, I'm just saying I wasn't there. And then we have another friend who will probably have her baby this week. Oh, wow, yeah, just like babies everywhere.
Speaker 2:We had a baby, Sheriff Slinky Snake. Yes, we sure did Like real human babies.
Speaker 1:Yes, and one of the exciting things I got to do maybe by the time you hear this, if you're listening to this later on in the week is I had a chance to create an author's page on Amazon.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And so just all these fun things. That's making me understand the reality of you're a writer. This is what writers do. You know, and you have to be so thoughtful when you're talking about yourself to engage the reader and explain how it is that you became a children's book writer right, because everyone wants to know that what you're about. So it's it's been fun. We'll see how it's received.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Jen's going to be starring on podcast coming up real soon here, so it's a it's a lot of it's a lot, oh you're talking about?
Speaker 1:yeah, I got invited to be a guest at another podcast. I'll have that information. Is that what you're talking about? Yes, yes, yes, that's exciting. And I get to talk about confidence in writing a book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's a lot happening for Jen, for us, and we are here for all of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I'm here for what you're about to put out as the producer of today's episode. So hit me, hit us. Here we go, let's go. So hit me, here we go, let's go.
Speaker 2:So this is what we've been up against. We've been up against being stretched, being pulled in many different directions and how to handle that being stretched beyond belief at times. And then there's a good stretching where you're just being put through the numbers, so to speak, and then there's a bad stretching when someone's just exhausting every ounce of your being, and so we're just going to cover a little bit of that and we're going to talk in relationship form and friendship form and even in job form, because you know you can be stretched and all those things in a good and bad way, and it's up to you how you respond, how you show up and then what the end result of that is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and hearing you say that, corey, I think of strain. So there's stretch versus strain, right? So I think stretching is more sustainable and it's not causing you harm or danger, whereas when you're strained it's like an overdoing it or it can lead to burnout yeah, it's like that piece of plastic that you pull too hard and now it has the ripples in it right, you don't want to go back to its original form, right?
Speaker 2:You don't ever want to be there in your life where you're just feeling you know super exhausted. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, jen, I'm going to start with you and hit you with the first question, because I know that you've been stretched tremendously in some relationships and friendships and you can jump in wherever you feel comfortable. I don't want to make you feel like you wherever you feel comfortable, I don't want to make you feel like you got to tell something that you don't want to talk about. But let's start with maybe a friendship that's exhausted you and pushed you beyond your barriers. And let me just paint the picture just a little bit so we can be clear on what that stretching could possibly be like. On what that stretching could possibly be like. So in friendships, you know, it's usually a give and take, a lot of times it's 50-50.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you know the numbers go a little bit different, but then you get to that point, to where people are asking you to do things that you wouldn't normally do and they're asking more frequently. And then, before you know it, they're always asking and then you find yourself in this weird position where you're always going the extra mile and, no matter how much you do, it's never enough and it's just you're giving and giving and giving. Can you stop by the store and pick this up and bring it over? I need you to pick up my kid from school. I'm running late to pay my bill. Can you stop by my mom's house? And it's just more and more. And what you begin to realize is, no matter how much I do, they're still going to be an ask and I'm never going to satisfy this, this desire to satisfy.
Speaker 1:Right, so it sounds like the strain.
Speaker 2:The strain.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you, because I want to clarify that, because I've had friendships that have stretched me to where I'm uncomfortable, but it's actually been something that's helped me grow and it was rewarding. Yeah, but we're time out. You have stretched me so thin that now it's strained not just me but our, our friendship thus stretched beyond belief stretched beyond belief.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the one that comes to my mind is I was in a friendship with this girl for quite some years, and this was a friendship that just brought me so much joy because we had our. Our sense of humor was the same, and you know that kind of way, when you're in a relationship with someone, you have, like secret words and codes that only you and this person understand, so it makes it even feel that much more special yeah, because only you guys know that language yeah, and she was invited into our home many times, just like family, and then me, vice versa.
Speaker 1:You know, I knew her kids well, she knew mine, and, and what became strenuous in it is that I started to feel like she was taking the friendship for granted and instead of talking to me, maybe about things that were bothering her, that were stressing her out or maybe even stretching her, she took it to other places, and so there was a lot of backbiting, a lot of gossip. That was very hurtful, and it became sharing lies, things that didn't exist, or she would add to the story to make it more intense when it didn't need to be.
Speaker 1:You know that kind of way. Right. And what straightened me is Corey, when she acted inappropriately with you one time. Oh and. I didn't know how to process that. I said this is really happening right in front of me. Right.
Speaker 1:And I didn't even know how to react and really what kept me from reacting was the fact that she was my friend. But, um, yeah, it that hurt. It was confusing. I didn't understand it, and then come to find out later. We just kind of outgrown the space that we were in and just needed room to breathe elsewhere, and I wish there was maturity enough to say that right, instead of bring the friendship through the ringer. And we went a couple years without talking and we, you know, we made amends, but it's not anything like it was before at all Right.
Speaker 2:No, I remember that time period and that's why, if you heard those of you listening shocking my voice, that moment was a little shocking and even reliving it was a little bit overwhelming for me.
Speaker 1:For me too. Reliving it was a little bit overwhelming for me. For me too, like I, I just reliving that and thinking about it put I could feel it in my body, right like my breathing changed. My heart felt heavy. Yeah, my brain got a little foggy, because going through that that was rough.
Speaker 2:I don't even know the time spent in that space, but any time spent in there was too too much, too long, right well, I'm gonna go a slightly different direction, just because uh, for those listening, you know, everyone can kind of relate to a friendship being stretched like that, to a point that it shouldn't be, or strained, you like the word. Strain better, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, because I don't mind the stretch right I think stretching is actually good for you it might be healthy, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, okay, so I'm going to talk about a strain in the in the workplace and, um, this was a job years ago. Um, I've been in my current job for eight years now and this was before that. But what I noticed about this particular job is like, no matter how much they ask you to do, it was always going to be some more. So if it was come in at 7 and you get comfortable coming in at 7 am, eventually it's going to go to 6 and then 5. And if you got too comfortable with that, it would go the opposite direction. So now you're coming in at 8 or 9.
Speaker 2:The workload would constantly change. Was that there was enjoyment happening to see people scramble, to put people under the pressure of not knowing what's next and keeping us off balance. And that strain had began to take its toll, not only on me but on you. You came to me and said look, I get it. You got to work, but the hours are changing. You're home some nights, you're not home other nights. You never know when you're going to go in or how long you're going to be there.
Speaker 2:And the conditions were inhumane at times, a lot of times. Conditions were very strenuous, very, very strenuous, very, very strenuous. And I found myself even at one point at a breaking point and anybody that has ever been to that breaking point where you're so to the limit that you can't even cry, you can't even weep, you can't even moan, you just like and I remember getting off a 16-hour shift.
Speaker 1:It's like emotion paralysis. It sounds like right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know what to do with this. I remember getting off a 16-hour shift and saying to myself I can't do this anymore, and it was just about summertime, and so it had began to heat up really, really bad. And during this particular day, I was just like you know what I don't know if I can do this, but this is what I'm going to try to do and I walked through the door and they told me that my assignment had ended at this particular place.
Speaker 2:I'm so sorry and oh the joy in my heart. Yeah, yeah, I just went. You know bonkers inside like, thank the Lord, I'm being released.
Speaker 1:Being rescued. Being rescued yeah.
Speaker 2:And just to give you a little bit more relief and understanding shortly thereafter, is when I started my current job, which was an answer to prayer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how was that like to relive that.
Speaker 2:I could feel that, that the warmth and the heat of the back of that trailer that I was in, yeah, the warmth and the.
Speaker 1:I remember, corey. You lost so much weight so quickly and you just look what's the word Dilapidated?
Speaker 2:Like you were just, I lost 12 pounds in one week from working in a trailer that was literally 125 degrees yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So that strain, yeah, what a what a weight. Let's just get that out of the way. I'm glad we had the conversation so you can really see what we're talking about, because when you're talking about stretching, you know I let's just use some metaphors here like when you go into physical stretching and you do it, um, whether it be before working out or straight when you get up out of bed, like it has amazing healing properties to stretch yourself, um, in that way, um, it reduces the risk of injury, right, actually.
Speaker 2:Right. And then there's a stretching that if you're bouncing or jerking you can risk injury and possibly a long-term injury if you do something too extreme.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but the stretch that we're talking about is a stretch that's good for you, yeah, and it's actually the kind that when, when practice, it elevates your growth. In fact, without the stretch, you stay in this comfortable zone and there really is no growth.
Speaker 2:so, um, when's the last time that you've stretched yourself, corey, in this context, Every day I make it a point to, and I know people are like, yeah, can this guy really? Absolutely. So I'm learning every day and I'm pushing myself to learn every day. And I love it because what I'm learning is that if you allow yourself to get comfortable comfortable with the way you eat, comfortable with the people you surround yourself with, comfortable with the goals you have and the dreams you're trying to obtain, if you get comfortable in that, then all you'll do is accomplish those things and you'll never move past that. But if the goal is all, if the goalpost is always being pushed 10 yards out, 20 yards out, 50 yards out, you never get comfortable with that stretch. And it feels good to know that I'm still going to go a little bit further. I still got a little further to go. Retirement is not in my future. I don't want to retire, I want to push myself because I can sleep when I'm dead.
Speaker 1:That's it. That's an amazing principle, not one that's lived a lot, especially in our country. I'm just going to put out there like I read this book on the Japanese culture and how retirement really isn't the thing. They continue to work on personal projects, their own businesses. Yeah.
Speaker 1:There's still this form of get up and do get up and go right because it gives them purpose. You know what I mean and I think you and I like, if we ever just sat still and retired and didn't do anything, that would be so weird what would that look like?
Speaker 2:that would be very strange for me personally. Just to be like okay, I don't have anything to do today, I'm not going anywhere, I'm just vacation.
Speaker 1:Does that sound appealing to?
Speaker 1:you like, absolutely yeah, vacation is a necessity yeah, I think even when we vacation, there's still the learning perspective, like let's just take in everything new so we can grow, and right, and so I. I just love that concept. Um, in my world, the stretching yourself, especially when working with other people, is just developing new skills so you can grow in that and your talent. Like some people say, I'm afraid to speak in public or I get stage fright, so a stretch there might not be. Like, well, I want you to get on stage tomorrow and just do the thing. That could lead to strain very easily, but a stretch would be well, what about taking a couple of classes on public speaking, right. Or there's this thing that we do at work Toastmasters, right, taking classes, for people do this a lot now is learning another language. Or stretching yourself to learn how to dance. Or maybe you know one dance but you learn another one. You know that kind of way You're stretching yourself to play an instrument.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that kind of stuff for me is fun. Playing instrument yeah, that kind of stuff for me is fun. Um, I'll tell you one thing that I I definitely practice and stay uh up on my chops is um writing a lot of times you know people think oh, if you're a writer, you just naturally know how to write, or you write very well.
Speaker 2:but it's an art form and you have to practice. Just like you have to practice playing your instrument, you've got to practice writing as well. I even learned something about rappers Rappers practice rapping, they practice their breathing, they practice their endurance. On freestyle rhyming. Yeah. And in the same way I'm doing that with writing, I'm practicing metaphors. I'm practicing that with writing. I'm practicing metaphors, I'm practicing styles of writing, I'm practicing how to intensify the story, how to bring more emotion to the story. So it's a continuous growth pattern that you're going through and stretching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I heard this one rapper who will take a random word, or someone will throw them a word, and they just it's like brainstorming all the things that would rhyme with that.
Speaker 2:Right, so when it's beautiful and it grows your vocabulary so tremendously.
Speaker 1:I need to do that. I think that would be a lot of fun. And so let's talk about stretching others real quick, because I really I know this is your show and you've produced this, but I love when you have someone in your life that helps you grow by challenging you, mentoring you, encouraging you to rise above and reach past your limitations, and that person for me obviously is you. Oh, thank you. Like you will stretch me and I'll just. I'll give an example. We share our to-do lists and, corey, you know what is on my list and how certain things get bumped down and I'll find something more fun to do. And so you said, yeah, you know, you need to create your author's page. I'm like, great, yeah, I'm going to do that today. And you said, yeah, I'm going to sit there with you so while you do it. And, um, so it was. It was like holding me to today, because it was supposed to be last week and the week before and the way you do that.
Speaker 1:So I'm a very social being, and when I have to do things and I'm going to tell on myself a little bit here and people who are close to me know this but even when I'm working alone or studying, and I'm alone in the house. I'll put on YouTube like a study with me video, so it feels like someone's there, someone's there working with me and, um, the noise kind of comforts me. So you brought your iPad You're so cute and you sat at my desk and you were doing your thing and you weren't telling me what to do and I read it to you and you gave me some advice on rewriting some pieces. But you helped me stretch goal. Or like I'm writing a book now called Just an LVN and the stretch goal is have it done and published by the end of the year. Right, that's a stretch for me. People are probably thinking it's a year.
Speaker 1:This was a project from a few years ago yeah and I'm learning that I can be very candid, very open, very free flowing when it comes to happier, more positive emotions, but when I have to talk about emotions that have to do with sadness, especially around death, so grief, I don't stay in those spaces very long in my writing. So you're like, okay, totally engage with you there in the beginning, and then you brought this part up and you just kind of rushed through it and so you are helping me by stretching me that when those uncomfortable emotions come up, like today, remember someone shared with me an idea that felt like our idea and I'm like, oh well, whatever, and you're no, no, no, let's go back to that because that kind of feels like stealing yeah, we're gonna live in that for a minute yeah, so you really stretch me to live in those spaces.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I'm encouraging anyone listening. If you're struggling with being stretched, find a stretch partner. Find someone that's willing to go, and don't look for the person that's just going to soothe your needs or your temperament or your desire for the moment. Find someone that's really going to push you to that next level in a good way and you know when it's good because it feels good.
Speaker 1:It feels right, it feels exciting.
Speaker 2:Not overwhelming and relieving. Yeah, that's what a good stretch partner does. It's relief to you when you explain what you're going through and they give you that little extra oomph to get you going. Also, what Jen was saying know your own boundaries, know what you can handle on your own and what you can't handle on your own, because it's never fun to keep running into that brick wall, because that's your limit, that's as far as you go, that's as far as you've ever gone, and so doing it repetitively builds a thicker wall. It doesn't help you get through it any better. So that's why the stretch partner is always going to be beneficial to you when you're attempting to do these things write a book, ride a bike, sing a song, play a guitar. We know YouTube offers videos for just about everything. That's a good way to incorporate a stretch partner as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one of my stretch goals right now. So let me give some context. I work with team members and leaders on goal setting, right, and so there's this very well-known method of smart, smart goals, smarter goals. When you're a stretch partner and you get to that ER piece where you evaluate the goal and the R this one we do so well, corey, for each other, for ourselves and and everyone else we work with is that reward moment, the celebrate, the moment you know that you, man, you just hit that goal. And these stretch goals are, I feel, a collection of small moments, intentional practices every day to get to the bigger goal. Right, because, again, not overwhelming, but I was going to share one of my stretchers. Oh, so this is literal.
Speaker 1:My voice has not, my vocal cords have not been stretched because of the surgery. I didn't like the way it sounded, so therefore I wasn't singing. But then I did a lot of singing on my own, like in my room when I'm doing study with me, and it doesn't matter to me how I sound by myself, I just kind of let it rip. And the other day, without thinking, I sang a song in front of you and you were smart enough to not say anything and mess me all up over it. But yeah, so I'm hitting certain registers that I couldn't hit before, and you gave me a stretch goal, because we have a dream. We talked about dreams last week on Take the Elevator, and part of that dream is not only just talking on stage together, which we thoroughly enjoy and love. We have a dream of going back to being able to sing together, play the piano, you play the bass and bring those pieces on stage with us, and so the stretch goal here is get myself on stage again singing with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm just going to share this real quick because it's important to celebrate these mild markers that you're hitting. And so when you hit the mild marker to be on stage, we're going to celebrate. We're going to have a great time, just as we celebrated when you finished your author's page. We had to live in that moment and I had to point out to you man, you did this, look at that.
Speaker 1:Yeah you're like how does that feel? Are you understanding that this is happening right now? Yeah, because again I can downplay things, especially when it comes to me, and so that was really great. I really love having you as my stretch partner. It's quite cool and, you know, I think about us being on stage and you have to visualize it right. You have to be able to see it and even if it doesn't come out perfect, the fact that we're singing again, like let that be the thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let it be so. Guys, if you're listening and it's something that you're trying to do, a goal you're trying to accomplish, and you got that stretch partner or that person that you're talking, to put it out there and see where it lands, and then allow that person to give you one of their goals or one of their dreams that they're trying to accomplish and and you can stretch them or be a stretch partner for them, and I guess that's the term now we're going with, because, uh, it sounds like it fits yeah, and I love that prompt and I love that challenge and I to I'm definitely taking it to heart and taking it with me this week.
Speaker 1:Nice. It's a great show. Thanks for doing this, not a problem. Well, you know us to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate, elevate every day, elevate every day, elevate every day.
