Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
345th Floor: From Offense to Empowerment
Can you achieve an unoffendable state of mind, or is it just an idealistic dream? GentheBuilder and Kory tackle this thought-provoking question by examining how staying connected to our emotions is vital in a world of challenges. We share our insights on balancing the need to stay informed about current events with pursuing personal goals, ensuring we remain engaged without becoming detached or inadvertently offending others.
Through candid stories, we reveal how false positivity can overshadow serious problems, particularly within the healthcare sector. We spotlight the emotional hurdles nurses face, emphasizing the need for empathy and high emotional intelligence when dealing with patients who may unintentionally offend. The conversation extends to the misuse of power, advocating for improved training for those in authority to prevent abuse and create a more supportive environment.
Truth, apologies, and forgiveness are discussed as powerful tools for personal growth and conflict resolution.
Look up and elevate!
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey and you are listening to Take the Elevator. Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2:That's what you're listening to.
Speaker 1:What a good time this is going to be. 're so glad you're here. Yes, so before we get started, by the way, today's topic is on offense being unoffendable, um, not offending, so forth, and so on and we think that's a pretty big deal, especially right now and at the beginning of the year. But before we go any further, corey, we do want to speak of things that are happening in LA. A lot of our friends and family live and we want to talk about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you know, jen and I like to keep our pulse, our finger on the pulse, checking the temperature and making sure that we're not being attuned to what's happening in the world around us. And so right now, there is a situation in LA with fires, and so we just want to extend our not apologies, but just our understanding to you if you're going through something with the fires burning houses and businesses and stuff like that. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and anything you're going through, and I hope that you're reaching out and getting the resources that you need so that you can begin to put your life back together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what really spoke to me over this whole thing was being kind and compassionate and coming together as a community, as people are having to rebuild literally from the ground up.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And just keeping them, like you said, in your prayers. Your thoughts reach out to them and, yeah, yeah, it's a sad situation.
Speaker 1:It is Now, with that being said, because of that this is why we're talking about offense, because if you follow my social media, some of you may know that sheriff's linky snake, which was the first book I've co-written on or written on period, was, I'm supposed to be available on january 11th. We believe that, because of everything that's going on right now, amazon had to delay it, so they've delayed it to the 17th right. So I have to tell you I felt even funny just posting that on social media at such a time as this. And, corey, you do so well with prompting me in the mornings on things I need to get done for genco and the fuzzy furry forest, and that morning you said don't forget to talk about the release which is tomorrow, and I gave this long pause.
Speaker 1:It was silent yeah and I said I just don't know that this is a good time with everything going on. I feel like it shows us as disconnected as, not in touch with what's happening. I don't want to offend anyone, I don't want to hurt anyone by saying oh, by the way, you know, we've got a new book coming out tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And your response to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just I didn't want, Jen to feel like life was going to have to stop because of, you know, some things that's happening in the world and so you know we'd be stopping life all the time if we do that, and to not feel like I need to do this made me feel like our work was going to be in vain. But you see how sometimes things work out for the betterment anyway, because as we tried to release on the 11th, there was something that came up and now we're pushed back to the 17th, so I guess the time will be more appropriate and things just have a way of working themselves out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so we're going to call this episode to offend, to not offend, to not be offended.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, Big, big call to duty at such a time as this. So my first question, Corey is it realistic or idealistic to strive for this state in today's world and what's happening?
Speaker 2:An unoffendable state of mind. Is that what you're asking? Yeah, I think it's achievable, but I don't think it's beneficial. Okay, say more beneficial. Okay, say more. I'll say it like this when you get to an unoffendable state of mind, basically you've numbed yourself to a point to where not much bothers you. Yeah, you thicken your skin to a point to where you're not open to some of the things that you probably should be open to. The receptors aren't firing it on all cylinders.
Speaker 2:Nerve damage yeah, yeah you just don't want to have to deal with anything or anybody or anybody's stuff, not even someone that you should be wanting to deal with right, right.
Speaker 1:So if we were to define unoffendable um, it would be the ability to maintain peace internally right, or maybe maintain our emotional response to anything that activates or triggers us emotionally how I would say maintain an emotional response.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, and I chuckle with that, because I know people that can turn off their emotions completely and they just say I don't want to be bothered right now. And sometimes it's a good thing to say that need us to be able to feel and be able to, you know, have that emotional intelligence to respond in the accurate way and not turn off the volume and people just are mute. You want to be able to hear people, you want to be able to check the pulse and see if the heartbeat is still going at a rate that it's supposed to. And let me segue Jen real quick, just so that you know I can give, you know, our listeners, a little bit of peace of mind.
Speaker 2:I may come off as if I know a whole bunch of things, or I've been through some things, or I have some expertise in this. It's not that I think I know it all five years and I had to deal with personality types and behavior disorders and populations the SH population, which is severely handicapped, to ADHD to ADD population, from not kindergarten but elementary to 22 years old. So I took a lot of courses and classes and trainings that you know prepared me for that, that grueling job. It's a tough job. I would not recommend you to get into that. If you're not prepared for what you're about to get into, so do your research. But that's what gives me some of the fuel and some of the answers that I have about attitudes and behavioral dysfunctions and even functions that are proper.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So great experience in education on your part, what I'm bringing to the elevator today as far as offenses, my life experiences, absolutely. And also being a nurse, because it's very important relationship building not just with the medical team you work with, but with the patients that you care for, and then for leadership development. Man, there could be offenses all day long. I mean, you could be as sensitive, or I can be as sensitive as well. Wow, they reached out to me.
Speaker 1:I extended an olive branch and now that I need them to get on board with a program that we've built for them, I'm not hearing anything. I'm offended. Yeah, right, so those are the things that are really on my heart about the damage that we do to ourselves when we create an offense that may not even be there. You know that kind of way. Yeah, so I've discovered that one of the top killers of my happiness is because of an offense. I've had moments where one offense can ruin my day, my week, my month and even into my life, and so I'll share an offense and, corey, please feel free to share yours. What's one big offense that you've had in life? Well, man, I can name a few, but right now I'm just going to keep it very simple to what most of you may already know about me being Filipino, and you know I love. I love my country and my people, and with any culture, you've got such beautiful parts and then you have parts that you're just like man. I wish we could learn from that. So one of the things that I wish we could learn from is the focus that we have with our family on weight. Um, the Asian community period is very about, um, weight loss, being thin, and it was tough growing up as a chubby girl, plus size woman in the Filipino culture, because every time it's about oh, did you gain some weight? Is everything okay? Or oh, you know, you look so beautiful, you lost weight, huh, wow, so, imagine, day in, day out, and my offense grew bigger and wider and more expansive.
Speaker 1:And, uh, today, though and it I didn't make this decision today, quite a while ago, I said you know, I'm gonna let go of that offense, remembering that this is part of the culture, right, wrong or indifferent. Again, I said I wish it could change. Um, but sometimes people don't mean to cause offense, and I'm not saying create an out or an excuse for things that are harmful or hurtful. You know what I mean. Yeah, but for me to heal and have peace, I had to reframe that as in this is what the culture is. It would take so much intentionality and I've seen it in my family because I voiced my opinions on this. I've said this is how it harms me, this is how it hurts my children, so we need to change that narrative Right. So that's been great to be a part of that growth in my family. But, yeah, that was an offense I carried for a long time.
Speaker 2:And I'm sorry that you had to carry that. I think the world altogether focuses on weight a little bit too much, and there's just so many other things we could really be dialing in on. Opposed to whether someone's overeating or not, or under eating or not eating at all, it's just a whole lot.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is, and you know I yeah, I'm going to say one more thing. I did have a moment in my life too, and I haven't talked about it on on the elevator much and I can't wait to jump into that space. But I had a moment where I was on drugs and it was when I say a moment is about six, about six, seven months, but it was pretty extensive and with that I lost a lot of weight. You know how much false positive like just celebration I received from family for that kind of weight loss. And inside I'm thinking, man, if you only knew that right now I'm about to do a line and I'm addicted terribly to something that's making me lose this weight. But yet it satisfied me to have that kind of attention from my family. That's a hard thing, to you know, to confess to.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So proud of you on that.
Speaker 1:Thanks.
Speaker 2:Congratulations. No, I know how it is to free some of these things that we've been held bondage and captive to for so long, and when you finally are able to voice it and say it out loud and let people hear and know this is what you struggled with, or that you're dealing with it. Just it turns you into a whole nother being. So I'm very grateful that you were able to release that just all over the world, right here, right now, today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. So, one of the offenses that I and let me address this because you're a nurse- yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm sure there's a bunch of nurses listening you guys have the position of offense and being offended the most I've ever seen in any other profession Because you're dealing with people that are sick, hurting, going through something. Yes, so they're not trying to offend, but they're trying to get a point across, and so, and they're trying to get a point across and they're desperate, right, and they're desperate, yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's life and death. So they're trying to get your attention any way possible, and sometimes it's offensive the way that they're trying to get your attention. And then there's the nurse who's trying to help, but they need to let the individual know in order for me to help you, I have to be able to do a, b or C and so that may come off offensive and the people of service that have to walk that fine line of offending and not offending on a regular basis, every single day. You're walking this line. I don't walk that line very often because I am in the service department, but I don't deal with people in that way. So I just wanted to throw that out there for all you wonderful nurses all you wonderful nurses.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Gray, what you did was such a beautiful demonstration of something that I've added to moments of reflection. For me is on why the offense? So if I find myself being offended, I asked myself what's triggered it, and let's solve it at the underlying issue. In a situation like that, to your point exactly. And you're working with sick people, you're working with people who have received a grave diagnosis for the first time, or they're caring for a family member and they're tired, and that's when I say there's no room for offense here. It has no place here, because what happens there takes away the power to heal and the ability to bring peace in a very confusing mind, right? So I think, as nurses or whatever public servant you are, that's what we're supposed to bring forward, is just that ambassador of peace and safety and protection.
Speaker 2:So that's such a good point and again, it's important at that moment to not numb yourself, turn those receptors off, because, as a nurse, if someone is saying something to you that's cutting you or hurting you or making you feel some kind of way, you have to then go into that high emotional intelligence and say why would they say that?
Speaker 1:What are they?
Speaker 2:really trying to say yes, and what do I need to give them or share with them to, to right, mitigate this particular situation? So it's, it's all.
Speaker 1:It's a really uh fine dance that you're you're performing right there really, it truly is, and I think that's what our point is is to what you said earlier, cory, is don't yourself, but take the time to figure out what's making me feel offended right now. Right and is it really a thing, because sometimes we even get offended when someone doesn't say anything. I don't know if you've had that experience, have you?
Speaker 2:Or someone's not saying something and they should. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's a part of my story.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and that's a part of what's my story.
Speaker 2:Ok, what's been the mantra in my life is, when someone that has power has the gross abuse I said gross abuse of power when you've already been granted the position of power, there's absolutely, in my opinion, no reason for you to abuse that power by being offensive. Yeah, and that's what I've dealt with in my life and I really that's the one that I just don't understand, I don't get and it puts you in a very dark space. When people have that kind of power and when I say power like three, four levels up above, whatever your job title is, and they're implementing some kind of abusive power and offense towards you, it has never made sense to me and it still doesn't. It has never made sense to me and it still doesn't. But I wish that there were more people out there that could train and help that person of power to understand you're not moving the needle, you're not changing things, you're making it worse, and especially if you're doing it to someone who works for you, because then it's really dangerous.
Speaker 1:I like to say say yeah, you're not moving the needle, you're actually stabbing. Yeah with the needle, yeah right. So how do you get through those moments where you're experiencing that?
Speaker 2:well, um, I was fortunate enough to at, during my my stint, of this particular situation. I was was fortunate to be given allies, and the allies recognize almost immediately there's something wrong here and someone has to do something. And so, at that moment that the allies stepped in and begin to help change the situation, it made me see that you need people as allies. You need individuals in your life that will recognize the dangers that are around you. And again, it's one of those fine dances that you got to perform because you know you say the wrong thing to a person of power, you won't be employed.
Speaker 2:Or you say the wrong thing and you know you're getting write-ups, or you know, everyone knows all the different things that can happen. But the bottom line here is the answer was and and still is allies. You know, and when you get allies that are willing to go that extra mile to help you out, that's when you know okay, I'm in a good space, I can, you know, now act accordingly, because I had turned to that numb person that I spoke about because I just didn't know what else to do.
Speaker 1:So I just felt like yeah, it was starting to make you bitter.
Speaker 2:I didn't even know who I was. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I remember, I remember. So, since you've brought us there, I'm going to flip it a little bit here. So if you're that person who has been given the privilege of power, and with that privilege comes a whole lot of responsibility, right? Um, I think it's really important that we seek out and we we've talked about this the ability to handle the truth. So imagine that you are cory's leader and he had he's saying this about you, right? What do you do with that?
Speaker 1:Now, the leader in turn, can choose to be offended and say that's not my intention. Um, he sounds pretty entitled, you know. You know, you can just imagine some of the things that a leader might say, the things that a leader might say. But what I say in that case is seek out the truth. And I hate to use this because it's from the good book, the Bible, so I don't mean to abuse it or take away from it, but the truth will set you free, is what I want to say here. So, when someone is speaking the truth, especially when in love, right man, have respect for that and it's okay. We, we who here hasn't offended anyone, that's the thing. Like that's what trips me out. When someone says you've offended me, and then I in turn get offended. There is not one person I don't believe who's not offended, and what I mean is unintentionally too right. A lot of people offend each other without even knowing they did, so that's where I'm a little bit different.
Speaker 2:Okay so, and I have to wrap up the last story, but I'll start right here because, um, typically when someone is overtly offensive, um, there's just a lot of abuse receiving and taking. But when I turned into that numb individual, I began to allow the, the abuse and offense to be a sounding board, so I just gave it right back at. You know, you reciprocated almost immediately and and what that turned into was of, just like I said, I didn't even know who I was at points in time in that process, because I'm acting the same way that I'm being treated. So I did know that there were moments when I was being offensive to my grossly abusive offensive leader, and I guess I did it on purpose. I guess I did.
Speaker 2:But let me tell you what happened, because this is going to blow everybody's mind Like I never would have thought this would have happened in a million years. I'm going through this process. The allies come in and it's multiple allies, it's allies on a higher level, it's allies on a higher level, it's allies on the same level and they begin to work with not only myself but the leader as well. Turns out, the leader approached me, and not because he was told to and said I have grossly abused my authority and I have offended you. He said I wish I could go back and change this, but I can't, so all I can do is offer my apology. Will you accept it? Yes, and that has never happened to me in that kind of way, the power of a heartfelt apology right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I no longer felt offended.
Speaker 1:Right, the release and that's what we're hoping for is just the beginning of having these conversations, so you can experience the freedom and the peace from letting it go Now, had he not apologized. See, I'm always going to go worst case scenario because not everyone feels compelled or is open to what has happened and vulnerable enough to apologize, right? So what does one do when that apology never happens? Now here's me, and, yes, this is positivity to the max and I'm not going to apologize for it, because it's how I've learned to work through these things. At the end of the day, when the person who is offended does not apologize, I have a choice to either have that hold me back or to just go ahead and release it and forgive anyways, so I can move on.
Speaker 2:Yeah so you're not carrying that burden? Yeah, but I tell you what, though, Jen? What's interesting is that the allies did something for me far greater than anybody ever else could. They allowed me to realize that I'm not crazy. I was crying this entire time. I mean literally pleading please someone hear what I'm saying, Listen to me, I'm not crazy. And then at the end it's am I crazy? Am I the one? Is it me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, like I'm misinterpreting this Right.
Speaker 2:And then I even heard other people say you know, oh, he's a problem, he's this, he's that even heard other people say you know, oh, he's a problem, he's, he's this, he's that. Uh, he may pose a bit of a problem, you know, he's not, you know the guy that? And I was like, wow, I'm that guy now. But when the allies came, what? What happened? Was the instant relief to for someone to say that no, you're not crazy, you're, you're not, you've been done wrong. There's something here that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 1:And at that moment I began to regain who I was yeah, it's a beautiful bounce back story, I mean for both people involved.
Speaker 1:That very rarely happens, and when it does, it's a big deal it's a huge deal and I'm hoping that this leader, one of the things that I'd hope because you know I'm always about what I learned from this what can I take with me is that, um, receiving honest feedback usually is done best when it's by invitation, right, you know? Because then your mindset's there, you're, you're wanting to pursue growth and you're saying, hey, what's some of my blind spots?
Speaker 1:and we all have them, right, they're called blind for a reason for a reason, yeah yeah, one another thing, um that I'd like to bring up and again, this is going to be a two-parter, so let's not rush through this, because it's such a good topic is the critic that we all have in each other. And, corey, I think I'm much more of a critic than you are I will say If someone said, if we were playing the newlywed game although we're not newlywed who's the biggest critic between Corey and Jen? It would be Jen Any day.
Speaker 2:Why do you say that, Jen?
Speaker 1:Oh, just because I am, I think. Think you know. Uh, there's a few reasons, and I love this part too. Gory is when you realize that you have a certain characteristic. It's so cool to discover why it is that you are the way. You are right, like what's happened in your life that has made you such a critic of other people. Um. So I've identified those things and I've worked through it. Now being non-critical is an everyday goal for me, because sometimes she shows up. I'm like oh, who are you like? Why are you here? That is not cool right, right, so I just, it's just simple.
Speaker 1:I always remember that I've caused a lot of offense to known and unknown, especially as a leader. Hearing you speak about a leader and I I believe that there are times when a leader does something not chronically but you know, on occasion and it just it upsets and it offends and you have no clue because of the space that you were in or you didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, and so Wow.
Speaker 2:You just reminded me of something I'm sorry, no, it's okay, for those of you listening, I'm sure you're probably trying to figure out how that dynamic works, how this dynamic works. And Jen's my wife. She's a leader, I'm her husband.
Speaker 1:And you're my leader.
Speaker 2:Well, there's that part, but I'm not a leader in in the in management in the workplace.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so a lot of times, our points of views are so night and day, because you're seeing it from a management point of view, I'm seeing it from an employer point of view, yeah, or employee point of view, and so your, your mindset is typically to defend the company at all costs. Where mine is, I, I don't mind you defending them, but it's some stuff that's not right and so and I'm not talking about just where we work, I'm talking about any work environment and so I find myself having to again that delicate fine dance, because I'm not trying to offend you and you're not trying to offend me, so it's just a lot of delicate dances that we have to perform in life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's tough, right, you're so right Because I give you the perspective of that leader and my hope is believe it or not, to comfort you and say say, hey, there might be something there that they. My hope is they're not doing this intentionally. So I try to go there like, is that a possibility? Let me say no, no, no, no, because here's why. And where I really want to go, of course, is your wife, and when it comes to work, I, I don't know. I just give you that other perspective.
Speaker 1:But here's what I've learned about someone who's critical or hypercritical, however you want to look at that, it's a defense mechanism, usually, for I'll speak on my behalf, not for the other people, because it'd be like I'm offended. That's not why I do that, it's because of your own shortcomings, right? Typically they say when someone is hypercritical, there's some internal work that needs to happen there, being more gracious, coming from a place of curiosity. Instead of oh, I know, this is what they did and I can, I used to say, oh, it's because I'm a case manager, and that's just how we process. It has to be quick. We look at the signs and symptoms and we do the thing right.
Speaker 1:Well, as I grew up, I realized no, I'm actually a great case manager because I already have the characteristics to just summarize and get straight to the point and figure something out, instead of spend more time in the discovery phase. You know what I mean. So how have I grown in this? Whenever the critic comes up in me, same thing when is this coming from? What is this really about? And man, it's tough, corey. When you grow up being offended and you get into adulthood and the smallest thing can offend you and you can start to develop habits of just wanting to cut people off, like, oh no, I'm setting a boundary, I don't, I don't have room for that person in life. And that's where that beautiful, delicate balance is. You set boundaries, but to what extent Is there grace, even in your friendships and your relationships? You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Well, I found out that there is not very much grace, there's not much extension of that boundary. I mean, well, the boundary is way out there now, so you can't get close to them. But that's neither here nor there at the end of the day. At the end of the day, what we're working on is trying to figure out how to do that dance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that'll be for the next episode, because we I mean you could go into being able to handle the truth right, so you seek out the truth and then we can grow into that. Spaces of can I handle this? We can go into looking at social media, for example. If anyone found offense in the fact that we posted on the book in the middle of crisis, that's something for you to look at, right. Like we can be hypercritical, especially on social media, because what do they call it? Keyboard courage? Right, we have all sorts of things to say, because we're not actually facing that person or talking to them and we will just butcher and come against everything that they're sharing, and so it can. I think that environment really breeds for offense, and so I think what we're seeing at the end of the day is our challenges already start to be in these spaces where, even this week, you're looking at.
Speaker 1:Okay, I just felt offended. Let's figure out why. Is this something that I can respond to, over react to, you know, and what is this really about? What's the underlying issue here? And keep it moving. There's a lot more to this, but I think that's a good start is just to notice the things that are offending you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely what else, Corey? I think if we go any further, we may end up in another 30 to 45 minute conversation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we've got so many different things. I want to end with this, corey a couple episodes, if not the last episode you had talked about manifesting, and I'm going to couple that with just affirmation during this time, as we grow, as we find peace and freedom from the things that have held us because we hold on to the offense is simply this this is my affirmation statement is that I choose peace over offense. That's my focus this week. Like, how can I invite peace over offense? Yeah, okay, I'm with that. Yeah, it's a bit deep today, guys, but you know, corey, you've always told me, working with youth when we were younger, you can't continue to give them baby food. At some point we've got to grow in our nutrition as our digestive systems mature and we hope after four years there's been some maturation. How do you say that word?
Speaker 2:maturity, let's do that one maturity of our digestive system.
Speaker 1:You are so funny. I know I'm like way excited over this. Anyhow, um don't forget, sheriff's league snake comes out, hopefully, hopefully, guys, on the 17th omg. Um super excited about it, so it would be great if you could help me reach my goal. I'm trying to sell a hundred books on the first day of um. We need momentum, we need a build-up and I I'm excited about that book, but I have to tell you the next one coming up which is supposed to come out on mother's day, that one near and dear to our my goodness that one, though.
Speaker 1:Um, I believe we were supposed to play a song for today. If y'all are looking forward to it, I think we missed the bar on that one We'll do it next week? Yep, all right. Well, you know us to take the elevator. We say look up, and let's elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every day.
