Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
342nd Floor: Coxicity - When Cockiness Turns Toxic
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This episode dives deep into the fine line between confidence and cockiness, exploring how overconfidence can lead to toxic behavior in various aspects of life. We reflect on relatable stories and cultural references, encouraging listeners to assess their behaviors and their impact on others.
• Highlights of recent personal experiences and Gen's book announcement
• Defining cockiness as an overconfidence devoid of humility
• Exploring how toxic behaviors manifest in workplace interactions
• Anecdotes about encountering cocky individuals and their effects
• The cultural impact of toxic portrayals in media
• Discussing the role of social media in exacerbating cocky behavior
• Reflections on the pandemic's influence on trust in information
• The importance of preserving language meanings across generations
• Encouragement for listeners to celebrate others' successes genuinely
Everyone is encouraged to follow Gen on Instagram @genthebuilder_elevate for updates and continued conversations.
Look up, and let's elevate!
https://www.fuzzyfurryforest.com
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey, and welcome to Take the Elevator.
Speaker 1Hello everybody, so good to have you here.
Speaker 2Absolutely, Jen. You know what? Let's jump into some highlights. We had some good things happen this weekend.
Speaker 1I like highlights. That really is elevating, so let's do it, yes.
Speaker 2So big shout out to Wrightwood, california, the Yodeler. Yes, we had a blast. So the Shameless Band performed at this ski resort bar and grill and it was just so much fun. The band had a great time. Jen had a great time.
Speaker 2We had some friends up there, we took some pictures so if you want to see that yourself, it's on our Instagram ShamelessBand095. Again, big shout out to the yodeler Number two can't not bring this up, jen. This is just too big for me. Jen's first co-written book Uh-huh, yeah, 1-11-20-25. And that's the date that it will be released. It will be on major platforms, definitely on Amazon, and then check out the website www. Fuzzy furry forestcom. It's incredible lots of new content, lots of new uh adventures to go on, and yeah that those are my highlights those are good ones.
Speaker 1I am extremely nervous about the release of the book and I love that I'm kind of warming up to it because on fuzzy furry forestcom I was able to write my first blog that was fun, yeah and, by the way, everyone, I absolutely chose the 111 date, uh, because it's a triple one, and then it's my first book that's been out there and I am so okay with knowing that it's going to land in many people's hands and they're going to give feedback. It's going to speak to some and I think it's gonna speak to most, actually, but I would just love your feedback in advance. So, yes, 111, sheriff, slinky snake, let's go let's go so good.
Speaker 1Um, my highlight was speaking of Wrightwood and the Shameless Band. The lead singer is Danny and we were able to visit his new place in Wrightwood and, Corey, you know I was floored. I was like this is gorgeous, this is like something from a magazine.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So it was good to see one of our friends come up like, just seeing him thrive and being in his space, and just it made me so super proud and happy for him purchase a home and then yeah, it's beautiful deck it out, yeah that's right.
Speaker 1It was so beautiful that for about two minutes I thought cory and I could move to rightwood for a place like this, like we could do it. But then I thought, oh that ride up the the mountain yeah was scary and uh it was scary and it was at night and you know anyhow, um, but, cory, it wouldn't be possible for us to live in a remote place because you and I are trying to make moves that actually causes us to physically move about and be with people and share what we're doing.
Speaker 2Right, right, yeah, Honestly, we're trying to change the world for a better, and I say a better dot dot dot. A better place, a better space, a better time, just a better.
Speaker 1That's right. And into the forest, we go on all of that, hey. So those are the oh. One more highlight Corey you and I got to share a stage co-hosting a talent show at our place of employment. We love those people. It was so good, like just to celebrate the art and the artists and to lift them up, so that was definitely something that I'm just so super proud of.
Speaker 2Big shout out to all the contestants. We made new friends and going to be friends for a long time.
Speaker 1For sure, all the contestants. We made new friends and gonna be friends for a long time for sure. So I don't know if you all follow me on instagram, so I'm gonna put this out there. Jen, the builder, underscore elevate so important that y'all get there and please refer your friends, family, um, because we're elevating our content. So things that we do in the podcast are going to be very much brought forward on instagram, on fuzzy furry forestcom, and we're going to start doing zoom events um certain specially, you know special engagements, so please be on the lookout anyways. So if you've you're on my instagram, you'll know that today's topic is toxicitycyxity.
Speaker 2What.
Speaker 1What did you just say? I did say that. I did say that Coccyxity with a, c and this is where cockiness turns toxic is what it means.
Speaker 2Oh, okay, okay, yes.
Speaker 1I know it's so risque, but have you ever worked, lived or been around someone whose confidence crosses the line into cockiness?
Speaker 2Absolutely.
Speaker 1And then it just makes the whole environment unbearable and I use that word on purpose unbearable. I don't know if you've been in that environment, but it sucks. So let's talk about it. Today we're going to break down toxicity where cockiness causes toxicity. So let's define some concepts, so we're on the same page, yeah yeah, I'm agreeing all right, so cockiness. What does that mean?
Speaker 2overconfidence. In a nutshell, because you're, you're a bridge too far. After you're confident, then you're just going to that next level, and that's where cockiness sets in yeah, so I'm just going to add, um, that it's overconfidence without humility.
Speaker 1Okay, right, so that's our definition there, and then going into toxicity toxicity, that's that dangerous level of harmful toxicness.
Speaker 2So if you're, uh, habitually hurting people's feelings, habitually negative, um, you formed a habit of just being toxic I like that.
Speaker 1So if I had to summarize that, I'd say it's negative behaviors that harm a space or relationship yeah right. So I love what you're saying there, because behavior means it's practiced, it's evident, it's not on accident, it's something, it's part of their identity right right, right.
Speaker 1So now we take these two and we kaboom it into toxicity oh yeah, that's the atoms and protons and neutrons just right colliding yeah, and they've collided into space where people or someone is overconfident and it disrupts the harmony Right, okay, so it can be related to any common experience that we all have, whether it be workplace, in our homes with families and friendships, and social media. Toxicity is rampant.
Speaker 2Rampant.
Speaker 1And I don't think we've given it a term, no, and I love that we're going to expand on this today. And, guys, today we are not going to talk about how to fix it, because this is going to be a two-parter right. We're going to let it breathe a little bit. So, cory, how about we share just a light, relatable story about encountering someone who's too cocky for their own good?
Speaker 2Well, I have a particular situation, and it's more of a someone's, because this is one of those things that is a reoccurring situation, with people that have that toxic, which is cocky and toxic combination, being expert or SMEs.
Speaker 2Yeah, subject matter experts yeah the subject matter expert on something that they have no clue on. They claim to know a book, a movie, an event or something that is detrimental to someone else and they begin to speak on it as if they've experienced it or they know about it and have no clue on what they're talking about. That's that dangerous level of information, that dangerous level of sharing that could hurt someone or possibly go a little bit further.
Speaker 1Man, that's deep.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Because you don't typically think that of people who act like experts in art right yeah and you see these people do this a lot.
Speaker 1They speak as so like so matter of a fact, right? Um? So my relatable story I think is relatable is I've seen a lot of people, and you all know that I I am in development, so that is going to be my story, where you just see leaders who have meetings with other people, but they're so over the top engrossed in their work, their wins, and then when you get a bunch of them together and they start trying to do one up on each other, it's crazy it's like watching a game
Speaker 2and, like, whoever's up to bat is gonna try to hit that home run jen, I'm laughing because what you just described is is is a situation that probably is in most movies, but when it becomes a reality, yeah it's so uncomfortable it is, and they.
Speaker 1They are so in that space that they're not even reading the room. They're not even noticing the hundred or so people that are looking like what is happening here so that's what I describe as drunken toxicity.
Speaker 2Oh, Because if you can't read the room, if you can't see what's going on around you, then you're so drunk with it that you've now you're intoxicated.
Speaker 1Yes, so I love these stories because we're going to talk about just characteristics of what cockiness looks like in action. So we mentioned some, and these typically are speaking over others. Okay, people do this all the time, and then they might even couple it with man. I do that all the time but they continue the behavior Interesting.
Speaker 2I think we've all heard that too before, right, yeah?
Speaker 1Yeah, dismissing other people's contributions or ideas. I've experienced that that's a tough one.
Speaker 2And that's harmful in the way that you just feel like you know what. I'm not going to say anything from this point on.
Speaker 1I'm just going to yeah, you feel itty bitty like not even there.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1Dismissed, right, believing they're always right, right, just yeah, I know all kind of thing, and then acting superior or unteachable.
Speaker 2So I know right now, if you're listening, you're saying to yourself I know this person, I know this person, I know this person and, yes, it's supposed to spark those thoughts as well. Yeah, but we have to ask the important question am I that person?
Speaker 1yes, exactly. So you and we go there right, like when we hear this, like oh, yes, there's this person. Oh, she just did this the other day. But the mini assessment, corey, that we shared on instagram and the link is in my bio, by the way, on Jen the builder, underscore elevate is on. Are you the cocky one? Yeah, done, done, done. So there's six questions on there and you just answer them and then what you want to do when you answer them is note how many A's. You answered B's and C's, right. So, again, six questions. Take it real quick, corey. You took it and you got right in the middle. You had three B's and three C's. Okay, so let's talk about results real quick. So, for those who have taken it, here is an explanation of your results. Again, real quick, because we're going to do this on Zoom in a more detailed manner and more personal, because now we'll be able to have dialogue when we're on Zoom. So, anyways, if you, corey, you had mostly B's and C's equal. So sometimes, being the B, you're on the edge.
Speaker 2Yeah, I just need to check my behavior check my personality, so I don't slip into that toxic.
Speaker 1That's right.
Speaker 2Cocky behavior.
Speaker 1Yeah, so you've got confidence, for sure, and to your point, just keep a keep an eye on our moments where it overshadows collaboration or your relationships, now being mostly Cs. This is where you are confident without being cocky.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1And so you are leading with humility and openness. That's awesome, and you're creating a positive environment. Now, no judgment. If you're mostly, as my response to you is uh-oh, uh-oh, you might be the toxic one. So just some really good tips. One tip right now just take a moment to reflect on how your confidence might come across to others. Right, I was keeping that in mind and that, remembering that confidence is a strength and it's a strength that needs to be balanced with humility and empathy. And so, again, in our workshops coming up, we'll talk more about that. But, um, yeah, are you the toxic one? That was a pretty, pretty fun assessment to do and just the way of thinking, right?
Speaker 2yeah, and I had to constantly remind myself as honest as possible, just be as honest. And so when I answered that, um, I didn't even know what the results were gonna be. So when you told me, yeah, this is what I was, it was a small relief. But then I realized, but you still gotta yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah. So, speaking of checking ourselves, let's go ahead and check out pop culture, social media and that kind of thing and what our world does to actually promote toxicity or how it shows up. So I'll keep it light in the beginning. So, I thought of some movies on where you see toxicity. Perfect example is Devil Wears Prada.
Speaker 2Oh yeah.
Speaker 1Okay, miranda Priestly is cocky. She comes in dismissive, very arrogant. She looks down on people. It's in her body language like it's just all over her stepping all over the people yeah, um, if you're into uh more shows, tv shows. I know, like Michael Scott from the Office, it's that character. His cockiness disrupts the relationships in the Office right so that's a good example.
Speaker 1I'm not going to name any celebrities that are known for being cocky, because I don't know these people and who knows if what they share is true. Right, I've heard of some real cocky people, though.
Speaker 2Heard of a lot. Yeah, again, you might meet that person, and it's a totally different story or scenario.
Speaker 1Yeah, so there's a meme, corey, and it's a few memes actually, and it's the person who always has to one-up everyone's story oh, yeah, yeah so if y'all are curious, go ahead and look that up.
Media Misinformation and Toxicity
Speaker 1I'll be sharing that on my instagram throughout the week to give some examples of what that looks like. So, cory, I'd love for you, though, because you're such a studier of what's happening in the world, whether it be social media or any type of media. How are you seeing Cox's City in what people are posting, what people are sharing what's happening in real world?
Speaker 2Well, I won't go with anything recent only because someone may be able to, you know, dial back and go wait, let me check that out, you know. And then I'm not trying to point the finger at anyone in particular. I will say this, though we just came out of a pandemic that was one way or another. We had some harm done and dangerous situations, we lost some loved ones, we went through some hard times, but I'm very disappointed in the media, in the way they portrayed their wisdom and knowledge. They took roles and routes that were not granted to them. A lot of these media personalities were pretending to be experts and doctors, sure, and their information. As a matter of fact, they were even going against medical doctors on some of the information that they were giving, and so I think that was a very toxic environment that was created, and you can see the result now, because a lot of America just doesn't trust media. Right now.
Speaker 2And so, looking at it, long-term, it may do more harm than good, not only to the public, but especially to the media, cause I honestly think there's a role for the media to play uh, in our system, in our, in our world but if you overstep your boundaries in cockiness or toxic behavior, you'll harm people and push yourselves out of the picture. So that's one of my main and I know I sound like I'm going very neutral to not, you know, harm one or another more than uh than the other. But it's the truth in my mind because, like I said, if you overstep your bounds and something that's not your expertise and you're even muting the medical professionals and there were medical professionals on both sides saying their truths, but I think we need to have both of them speak loudly so we can make a sound judgment or a sound decision.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I think people are going to be able to read between the lines that you've just spoken. I feel like we're pretty safe in the way you presented that and it was just a trip because here here's the toxicity in this, where you totally redefine what a word means to fit your agenda.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1And it becomes deceitful.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1And then it led to spaces of feeling shame or bestowing shame or guilt if you weren't on board. And so in a toxic environment, same thing in a toxic one, people don share anything, people don't feel safe, right, because there's these quick judgments and yeah, and so you're not giving people the space to come up with their own solutions, to figure things out and just to ask questions. And even asking questions, I mean, when you asked a question, it was an immediate judgment call, right, and so that was a tough place to be and it's already very highly. What's the word I'm looking for? I don't want to say I think the whole thing made it dangerous, but what I'm saying is like it was so unsure and uncertain and people were feeling insecure and scared, right, and so when you show up that way, you're literally feeding off people's fear.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, that's yeah I want to also address one thing. Jen, you said something really important. You said something about words and the meaning of words. And and a lot of the younger generation, they think that they can change meaning meanings of words. Yeah, like, especially in the slang. Like they'll say uh oh, I'm gonna crash out. And although you mean you're gonna do one thing when you say crash that word, the root of it never changes. So, no matter how much we evolve or how much we change or grow into beings that are more educated or wise, we have to remember that words' meanings never change, because we'll pass away and those words will go back to their original meanings again, like they were supposed to.
Speaker 1Absolutely so.
Speaker 1our next episode is going to be breaking free from toxicity, but we really wanted to play in this and there are some funny moments, you know, when you think about man, this is something I've done, yeah, and so I'll be honest, the the one question that got me and I was the one who did the assessment was when you, when someone celebrates, you also have a story, a win you want to share and, honestly, I used to think that was me just relating. I'm relating to them, I'm letting them know, like, man, that's great, I celebrate with you and I know how it feels to win because, look, I just had a win too.
Speaker 2I can hear so many people saying yeah, that's me.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2It's still not good.
Celebrating Others and Holiday Compassion
Speaker 1Yes. So here is my listener challenge, and you know we we, corey and I we don't call you listeners. Anyone who's plugged in to take the elevator are elevators to us.
Speaker 2And so here's an elevator challenge for the week Focus on celebrating someone else's success without making it about you without saying anything just listening to it and celebrating them right, yeah, yeah that's where I try to go, I, and because I remember as a child doing that, saying oh, I'm gonna celebrate with them by pointing out something that I've done to kind of either match it or even go a little bit above and beyond. Yes, but the first time it happened to me, I remember not feeling so well. So I said to myself at that time as a child you know what? I'm just going to sit here and be quiet and hopefully that goes a little bit better.
Speaker 1Really does. I'm going to share a funny story now, and I don't think it has anything to do with being cocky or creating a toxic environment, and I didn't ask permission from you, corey, so here goes. Well, it's your podcast.
Speaker 2It's ours.
Speaker 1It's everyone's Okay, it's ours, it's everyone's Indeed, okay. So, speaking of the assumption and not asking the questions and things like that, over the weekend I was looking for something that I bought specifically from Costco and you know that kind of way and I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. But there's the one thing and you say, if I had that right now, it would satisfy this um need to have a snack right, like it has to be that one thing where you have a meal and you know exactly what you want and when you don't get it it's just forever in your mind until you get the thing. So that's what this is. This was I in your mind until you get the thing right. So that's what this is, this was. I said hey, you know, oh, I think I'd like to do that snack. And you said I took it to work. I kind of said you took the whole thing to work because it was like this big old bin and I was just kind of like why, in my head? I'm like why would he do that? That was a snack that I bought for the house, you know, and he has his snacks. Why would he take my snack?
Speaker 1And we actually went down a little road. We went down a road and this was on Saturday. On Sunday, I'm downstairs in the kitchen getting ready for an amazing week and just some time with my sister who's here from England. I'm so excited about that, anyhow, so I'm in the pantry. I'm like. I thought he said he took it to work and it's right there. So get this, guys. We spent maybe three hours down this road when we weren't even talking about the same snack.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh. Becky.
Speaker 1Just insane. So what's the lesson here? Make sure y'all are talking about the same thing. Gain some understanding before you go down that road.
Speaker 2Yeah, because the confidence that kicks in when you think you're right about something turns toxic quickly.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, although that's not a practice behavior. No, absolutely not, so it was just like what is happening right now All totally based on a misunderstanding. So when we are confident in who we are, it's beautiful. When you're in a space of humility, it's just saying I don't know everything. Let me find out that which I don't know, so we can make sure we're on the same page, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2No, I hear you loud and clear. You're absolutely right on that.
Speaker 1Yes, so I know everyone's getting ready for the holidays. We hope that you all stay safe and that you have a wonderful time with your family. And I don't know, Corey, if I'm missing anything here. Well, no.
Speaker 2I definitely wanted to mention this holiday time because I've learned something, jen, and this is crucial, because, whereas we celebrate one way and someone else celebrates another way, at the end of the day, this is about time with family, friends, loved ones. Even if it's time with family that's moved on, that's passed away, you may need to celebrate that in a whole nother way, and we understand that. What I'm ultimately saying, guys, is that think about the person that may have lost someone within the last couple of years that they're. They're dealing with some heavier situations than just buying a present or getting something to eat. We need to be there for these people, show up for them in a different way, give them that outlet. I mean, I'm not saying, invite them to your house and have them over for dinner If you can, great but at the same time, just extend a little bit of extra understanding to them.
Holiday Memory Sharing and Community Bonding
Speaker 1That's beautifully said. Yeah, just being aware that we're all at different spaces during the holidays especially, I love that I can't remember. I need to share this Speaking of people who have lost loved ones. At the Yodeler, we were able to talk about people that we've lost in the most unexpected place, but it was good to call our loved ones that we've lost by name and just share stories. It makes them feel very much still a part of the celebration and the time with other family and loved ones. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2No, I hear you, uh, and and I gotta share this because I'm on stage playing- yeah and I'm watching you guys have conversations, and so I'm seeing each iteration of a conversation happening in real time as I'm playing. So I see the laughter, I see you guys engaging with us, as you know, being the band playing, and then I see the moments of solidarity.
Speaker 1I see the moments of like deep contemplation, you know.
Speaker 2So I'm like what's going on with?
Speaker 1that table.
Speaker 2I really want to be there, but I got a job to do right now, so yeah, it was a great time to connect.
Speaker 1It was so good to just pause and plug into people and just get to know them and what's what and who's important to them. You know that kind of way. Yeah, all right, everyone. Well, we gave a lot here. Hopefully you took something from it and we will be back next week. Please be on the lookout on my instagram for post updates and you know what's to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate, every day, elevate.
