Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
334th Floor: Communication Strategies for Meaningful Connections
Ever had a conversation where you felt completely misunderstood despite your best efforts? Join us as we uncover the subtle art of effective communication. We kick things off with a personal anecdote about an encounter with a chatty individual who missed all our non-verbal signals—reminding us of the critical need to read and respond to social cues accurately. Promise: After listening, you'll walk away with a deeper understanding of body language, verbal nuances, and how to avoid common communication pitfalls in both social and professional settings.
Get ready to discover actionable strategies that will help you balance talk time and keep conversations engaging. We'll share insights into reading emotional and verbal cues, ensuring you can foster stronger emotional connections and build trust. Learn how to handle brief responses without frustration and why timely, clear communication is essential, particularly in the workplace. We also emphasize the importance of active listening and emotional presence, recounting a poignant moment where silence allowed someone to share their true feelings. Through this, we highlight the significance of patience and compassion in honoring others' emotions.
Finally, we delve into the joy of celebrating others' successes and the profound impact of recognition in the workplace. Hear a story about how a leader's dismissive attitude can dampen team morale, and how small gestures of appreciation can uplift those around you. From understanding different languages of appreciation to the importance of matching excitement when celebrating achievements, this episode provides valuable insights into building positive communication and a supportive environment. Tune in to elevate your interactions and make every day an opportunity to connect meaningfully with those around you.
Look-up and let’s elevate!
hey, it's jen the builder and cory. Welcome to take the elevator. Everybody, everybody, corey, I am bummed, but not that. Last week it was our 333rd episode and I didn't realize it until it was time to release the recording on our platform.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I remember you saying we didn't mention it, and the thing is is that everyone else is not as excited as we are about 333 episodes. That's a huge number, though, and it's just like wow, we've been doing this that long. How many years is that?
Speaker 1:I think we've been on for like four years Incredible. And I think 333 is super important to me because it's the number thing right. So when you see three, threes, it's like balance and harmony. Um, it's. It means a bunch of different things creativity and self-expression, which I think was so perfect for. Take the Elevator, because it's been 333 episodes of just self-expression. Yeah, but I will say that it couldn't have worked out better than having KK on.
Speaker 3:No, that was probably the perfect show for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so if you haven't heard that episode, please, please, take a listen to it. And I love what she brought forward, because 333 is also about growth, so it's about focusing on your intentions, trusting the process of growth and transformation which she represented so beautifully. Yeah. Nailed it, nailed it. I like that, nailed it. I haven't seen that show in a while. Right.
Speaker 1:So I'm excited about what's going to happen today, because today is a topic that you've chosen and we haven't shared any notes on this, but just know I'm here for all of it.
Speaker 3:You're here for all of it. Well, before we jump into that, I just really would to acknowledge, uh, how the weather has changed to the better. In my opinion, it is much cooler this week, oh yeah, and and I'm talking to those of you that's experienced a hundred plus degrees on a continuous basis it's brutal on your car, it's brutal on your house, it's brutal on your body. It's just one of those things that really take you to another level of agony, mm-hmm, and I hate to be so dramatic Agitation even.
Speaker 3:Right, I hate to be so dramatic about it, but it just—.
Speaker 3:Agony. The relief is just so much needed. Thank you, god for changing that temperature, uh-huh. So, jen, today we're going to talk about um, and I'm just going to say it. We're going to talk about body language. We're going to talk about the verbal language, we're going to talk about love languages and we're going to talk about how those translate and how to pick up on those cues being in a social setting, being in a employment setting or being in a business setting like you're dealing with multiple business people and you're on the same level as they are how to recognize those cues and how to know what you should be doing when those cues show their face.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I've been in a couple of situations. I'll talk about one today. We were with two other professionals and we had migrated upstairs into this house and we were having this in-depth conversation that was primarily circled around one person's expertise and you and I stood there not knowing anything she was talking about, and we looked like we didn't know what she was talking about. As a matter of fact, I don't think we added into that conversation at all, and that conversation lasted for probably 15, 20 minutes before there was a break to be like, okay, we gotta go. But the thing is, is that what didn't she pick up on the body language, on the social cues that we could have been putting out? That would have told her, hey, they're not engaged in this conversation.
Speaker 1:Maybe you should either change the conversation or give them an opportunity to ask a question that's a good question, because when I replay our time with her first of all, she was such a sweet lady the problem there was is that we had other appointments right and it was the middle of the afternoon and we hadn't eaten yet, and so I just want to set, then give context around that table so when we met with her, it just felt like we would stand in one place for a while and we were there to view a house.
Speaker 1:Right, we were there to look at the different um, setup, decor, whatever. We were just trying to take new information in. So we go from one place. She capitalized on that and just spoke on everything. So I'm like, great, we're connecting. This is good. I'd lead the way into another part of the house. She followed closely and almost trapped us in the room and then she would start talking him.
Speaker 1:No, remember, this was outside, oh yeah, that's where it started yes, so she's talking and we'd walk a few feet, talk again. And when I say talk, I mean she talked and, um, we, being who we are, gave the nods and showed some type of engagement out of respect. Yeah, right, so I think that was there. However, I know that we were given the non-verbal cues of like we gotta go. We really don't want to keep talking about this. So every time I like nudge to go forward, literally my body was physically in movement mode go mode she wouldn't let me move it was it was just what could have been an amazing moment of connection for the first time.
Speaker 1:And see, that's how quickly it can spiral right, like, oh, she's so great, she's got great energy. She's a socializer, she makes us feel warm and welcome, she's available if we need her. Gosh, she dominated that conversation she didn't even ask us anything. We didn't. It was one-sided participation. Yeah, yeah, so it.
Speaker 3:Unfortunately, it was a miss on that part right, and so I bring that up because, you know, a lot of times we, as individuals, we think that what we're saying is really important, and most of the time it is. I'm going to be honest Most of the time when people are talking, they're trying to tell you something that they really want you to know.
Speaker 3:And they think that they have a safe space to share this with you, and in most cases, we as individuals are listening and we're waiting for that punch line or that delivery of that information that we're like, oh OK, this is what she wants or he wants me to know. But there is a step past that that will allow the conversation to grow increasingly awkward, and so my point here is let's pick up on those social cues when we get that, so we can make that alteration and not go into that awkward space. Jen, my question to you is how do you avoid that awkward space if you're being the leader of that conversation?
Speaker 1:Oh, it's almost too simple. I actually time myself Like if I've gone 30 seconds or more and it's just been me. I have intentionally created a self-timer where I know that, okay, you're saying too much, that, okay, you're saying too much. It's time to bring them in right, or it's time to engage them, or it's your 30 seconds to be quiet so they can talk right. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:And so reading the room same thing as reading the other person and are they here? Does it seem boring to them? Is this something that they're not into? You know, and you can um, recalibrate, like you can totally have the wrong start to a conversation and you just dial back, like I've seen people just say, well, I'm just gonna crash and burn like I'm already there, so let's just go all the way, all the way, I'm all in yeah, so there's that piece that I think that for me is just time yourself um and make sure that there's enough talk time on both parts right
Speaker 1:don't interrupt like you get super excited and it's organic to have conversation together about you're like and it was so good, yeah it was. I remember when it was like that, for me too. But when you give a statement that agrees with that other person to make them feel like there's a connection, I'm here with you, don't like highway robbery, that conversation just kind of just let it land and let them continue.
Speaker 3:I really like that, and I also think that we should also pay attention to the body language. If there's a lot of shifting, if there's a lot of eye rolling or deep breath taking, if there's a moment where the phone pops out and there's continuous scrolling, they're looking at their watch. They're looking at their watch.
Speaker 3:Signs of anxiety even you can tell when people are breathing deeper or taking shallow breaths, because it's like yeah, those are all social cues that the conversation has went a little bit too long and you might want to let that person go. Why is this important, jen? Why is it important to pay attention to this type of stuff?
Speaker 1:well, I think I think to answer that question what's the importance of language right and communication? And usually language enhances emotional connection. If it's doing the exact opposite, then you kind of messed up on its purpose. Even when you're having a conversation that's escalated or it's a conflict right, the purpose is to find common ground and to still be able to connect or figure things out right um, and then I also think, when conversations are one-sided, it's important because you want to avoid miscommunication yeah so if you're doing all the talking and you're not listening, you're not asking the questions or you're not trying to understand, there's definitely going to be miscommunication.
Speaker 1:Um, I can list a bunch of things, so another one is um, the purpose of communicating in language and paying attention and understanding is to build trust. And so what happens there? When people consistently feel appreciated and loved and it's meaningful to them, there's a fostering of trust.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely. So I'm going to flip that coin, and I have to because I'm sure there are people out there that are experiencing the very opposite of the example we just gave. So I know you've been in management for some years now, and so that means you've interviewed quite a few people, you've talked to quite a large group of people on a professional business level. What happens when you have that individual that you're talking to? That it is very short, very straight to the point one word answers, no elaboration, no expounding, and you're finding yourself continuously asking of more, like give me a little more, tell me a little bit more about that, um, and then there's still that awkward oh, it's just this or it's just that or when they say it's nothing.
Speaker 1:right, there's nothing, yeah, right, so the same for me. The same way you pick up on the room, the body language, um, is the same way you do that I wouldn't keep prying, I would cough that up to. This is what they're able to give you at this moment, cause you see this all the time.
Speaker 3:That's kind. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's important. So, like some people are very direct in their communication, some people are thinkers and they really haven't processed her at the time or they're just having a bad day. So you know, know, don't take that personally and just say, okay, um, thanks for sharing what you did with me and um, I'm here to talk about this further, right, and if it's okay with you, I'd let, because now in management, if it's a serious conversation, there needs to be dialogue on it. I might say, if it's okay with you, I'd love to follow up in two to three days, right just to, to see where we're at you're, and I said that, uh, you're kind, because my my thought process veered to the left slightly.
Speaker 3:Only because, jen, sometimes there's situations in my life where I need more answers. I need more than what's being given to me, and I need it relatively quick. Give me an example. You know we both work with individuals that do things for us, such as illustrators and plushie makers and so forth and so on.
Speaker 3:So sometimes you need an answer like kind of quick and you need to know more information, opposed to just yes or no. And so when I get those really short answers without any elaboration, I tend to say something in this vein I need more. And let me tell you why I need more. If I don't understand the complete process of what you're giving me or what you're doing for me, then it leads me in a dark room I can't be in, I cannot exist in this dark room without all the information. I have to have more direction, otherwise I'm forced to go somewhere else to get more answers, and that usually pushes just enough to say, oh, okay, and then people start giving me a little bit more.
Speaker 1:I like that. I think that's important when so when things are of the essence as far as time and the details. So, to be fair, if this has to do with change management, so if you know that there's something that you need, it's not fair to spring at last minute. So, the moment you know that you need information, communicate that.
Speaker 1:So that way, people have a chance to put that together for you, because who knows what they're doing at that time and what their mind is busy with, right? So I would take that into consideration and then I would preamble, like if there's a meeting, and it almost feels like meeting one-on-one, but I'm just going to say this, like if you're going to talk to someone, especially when it comes to business, give them what the agenda is. So if I set a meeting up, like a week prior, whatever, even a day prior, or the day of here's the agenda, here's what I'd like to talk about, and that way they can say you know what, jen, I read the agenda and I haven't got to that point yet. So can I ask for a reschedule to tomorrow, you know. And then to your point, though, corey, like if there's any points that they can give you, you can ask that you know.
Speaker 1:And then to your point, though, corey, like if there's any points that they can give you, you can ask that you know. Just um, give me something to work with, just so I can have an idea. You may not know the exact amount of time, but can you give me some kind of estimated time and I won't hold you to it. It just gives me a good gauge for my project management, right, right. So I think it's two people coming together to figure out what they can give now in business. Thankfully, we've worked with people who are about the stretch and I love that. I love when people can just push themselves a little bit more because, man, it's it's first time kind of thing, and we got to figure this out. Right.
Speaker 3:So we've talked a little bit about the verbal language and the body language. Can we tap in on some of the emotional language that is given to us? In any situation, be it personal, business or even a romantic, there's an emotional language that people are speaking. I've experienced this on a regular basis, but I'd love to hear a situation where you've experienced an emotional language being transmitted to you.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's such a big question, right? Because? Are you talking more like when people are feeling a certain way and they're expressing their emotions? Is that what you mean?
Speaker 3:Absolutely so. I've walked into a room before, and as soon as I sat down and got comfortable, I seen tears flowing and.
Speaker 3:I'm like oh OK, what hat do I put on? Am I mourning, Am I happy? Is this a baby message? Is this a someone's passed away message? What am I up against? Someone's passed away message, what am I up against? So usually you have to kind of throw some kind of probes out there to figure out what's happening. But that emotion is so high already because there's a physical manifestation through the tears, and so I'm not going to tell what actually happened yet because I wanted to throw it. I want to give that lob to you and see what you think.
Speaker 1:I think when someone shows up that way with me, I definitely give that space of silence, because sometimes they just need to let the tears flow and then they talk about it, right, and if they don't, um that's, I mean, you can always. You talked about different hats. I think um always being in a space of empathy and compassion and just knowing that they're going to tell you what they want you to know and just being ready for that, I think, is like a hundred, 100 the thing to do there.
Speaker 1:Um, and it's okay. I think it's so amazing when people ask me how can I best be there for you right now? Because I, I, I will sit here and just hold your hand, be here in your presence, you can talk to me, I'm going to listen. If you want advice, whatever it is, you know, just let me know and go with what they give you, because I think people are very emotional beings and crying can mean so much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know there could be some relief happening yeah, exactly there can be some releasing happening which is a form of relief. But I mean, you know that release sometimes is, uh, releasing anger, releasing stress, releasing, um, frustration, whatever that that that release may be. And so I'll go a little bit further into what I walked into.
Speaker 1:Oh, well, I wanted to say one thing about that too. Whenever someone is in um a space with me and they're um free to share their emotions even without words, man, that's so humbling. And so to know that we're in that space where they can just be right I, I treasure that and hold it with both hands and don't disregard that and just wait for what this moment means.
Speaker 3:Yeah I'm, I'm. I can totally relate to that. Um, I walked into this room and a person that I knew, but wasn't like I wouldn't say was a friend, the tears began to flow and I thought to myself oh boy, um, I don't know what to do. So I did what you said. I was just quiet and after about 45 seconds and literally sometimes it could take, you know, a minute, two minutes, three minutes, you just don't know but about 45 seconds passed by and what was said was I'm just having a bad day, I just needed a minute to let this out, and you know, I'm not mad that you've seen this, but I had to let this out because I'm having a bad day and I was like well, I'm glad I was able to be here for you during this, you know, and if there's anything I can do, please, please, let me know.
Speaker 3:Beautiful do please, please, let me know. Beautiful. And so I. I walked out knowing that I could have destroyed this moment, but I really felt like I did what I needed to do because I read the room the right way. Um, again, I know why this is important, but I'm I'm leaning on you because I know you deal with this on such a regular basis, jen, from all levels of life. So, in your own words, why is it so important?
Speaker 1:Because you're honoring what that person's going through and you're not trying to rule over that emotion and control it. Right. You're allowing it to be and knowing that that person is going through this moment and there'll be the next moment, and you know what does that look like. Right.
Speaker 1:Right. So you're right, Corey. Like it is a little tough, I'll tell you. Like when people reach out and say I don't have patience anymore, Compassion is out the door and inside. Because of the type of person I am, I naturally cheerlead or naturally want to go straight into motivation, instead of saying do you want to share more with me on that? Like, what is that doing to you? Why is this important for you right now to share this with me? You know? And? And just letting that breathe I think that's the thing. It reminds me of that when you just exhale, how good that feels. I don't know, cory, I don't. We've never talked about this when you're just having a rough day or and your emotions are all over the place and you just rough day like it's like this like when you put both hands over your chest and you're just able to breathe and let it out.
Speaker 1:It's so comforting and I think, in the world that we live in, with as fast as it is, with as demanding as it is, it's tough. I was with leaders last week and we timed two minutes. I said we think that you know, two minutes isn't enough time to connect with self, with others. I said let's really honor what two minutes looks like. So when you have nothing to do and you just sit there and let two minutes play out, it's a powerful time. Oh yeah, two minutes just to do a check-in, two minutes just to drop what you're doing, step away from it and get back to what it is that brings you love work, you know, work, love, joy or just to just unwind yeah so, um, it's just honoring that time.
Speaker 3:My last and final question about this language that we're giving to people is kind of on an upbeat and I know you're definitely going to enjoy this because I've watched you celebrate with just about everybody I know and you've definitely celebrated with me you walk into a room and that energy is above your head with excitement and someone says to you you won't believe what just happened. And their smile from ear to ear. What is your first response and how did you read this language?
Speaker 1:Instantly, my first response is just smiling and like I can't wait to hear what this is about. Right.
Speaker 1:And if my usually my energy level is pretty high, especially when I'm not tired, but I have to bring my energy level down because sometimes that can happen where I'm so hyped about the moment and whatever's going on and someone has something over the top to share, just something they're excited about, just bring me down and celebrate with them. And I think Corey, that's probably another topic I would love to talk about people. Some people don't know how to celebrate other people.
Speaker 3:I was just about to go there.
Speaker 1:It's like what is this about? Why are you like that?
Speaker 3:I kid you not. And so when I was thinking about this, this way of expressing yourself in a language type of way, without having to say anything, I started thinking about these different instances where emotional, spiritual, all the different ways I was in a meeting and, while I wasn't actually a part of it at the moment, I was walking into a meeting with another person that happened to be a leader, and two team members were already inside the meeting getting set up and they were talking and I could hear the energy in their voices and as they turned and said you won't believe what just happened the leader that I walked in with said we don't have time for that this morning. We're going to go straight into the meeting. And it was an instant buzzkill and you just watched the joy get sucked out of the room and the day was off kilter from that point on, and we still didn't even get to find out what was so exciting about this particular person's day. So you're absolutely right, some people just don't know how to celebrate with others.
Speaker 1:That's so interesting because you know you had asked me a question from a leader's point of view. Let me give a thought from a leader's point of view. Okay, there, a thought from a leader's point of view. Okay, there are so many coaching sessions and workshops where we talk about building each other up, lifting each other up, and sometimes you have to get creative and innovative with that, because either it gets old or you're just so overwhelmed with work. It's like another.
Speaker 1:Sometimes for some people you feel like a task. Right, that is an easy win. When someone is celebrating and someone is excited, you don't need to think about it's, just let it, let that go, let it be and be there in that moment. And yeah, or I even noticed like someone will compliment someone on the team or there, and then someone wants to just downplay that or talk over them and go into another conversation. I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, because someone just got recognized and that's. You know, we can go into languages of appreciation at work. So for some people, words of affirmation is their love language at work, right? So when someone gives you a compliment or recognizes their work, that could be the thing that fuels them for the rest of the day, and when you take that away, um, not cool not cool at all.
Speaker 3:absolutely, jen, and I think these things are important, these cues are important, and we don't pay attention to them nowhere near as much as we should.
Speaker 3:We could be doing so much more for the environment, because, whether you know it or not, when negativity or that lack of inspiration is in the room, it really changes the day for people and sometimes the week or even the month, because they just keep ruminating over the same thing that happened the day before. And so I think it's extremely important for us to acknowledge these languages that are happening around us, that aren't verbal, they're physical languages, they're mental, emotional, and, like last week, kk was talking about what brings her the joy and what inspires her, and it wasn't all about words, it wasn't all about, um, the actual things being said, it's just the mood absolutely, and and this is such a big topic too, cory um, when you're talking about love languages or languages of appreciation, I think too, we can set each other up all the time, like, if my language for appreciation is to give you quality time, right, cause that's how I express it, but that's not your language.
Speaker 1:You'd rather have, let's say, a, a tangible gift, right? I mean, we are just so quick to judge each other Speaking of which, on, she doesn't appreciate me. You know, she's not giving me what I want.
Speaker 3:She gave me what she wanted me to have. Yeah, not what I want.
Speaker 1:So I think that's why, like assessments and learning about your communication style, your language of appreciation, it really gives insight to who you're spending over half your day with sometimes.
Speaker 3:Indeed. So I leave you with this, and it's not a heap of great wisdom to hold on to. It's just simple for me, and this is from me to you Listen to the languages, all of them. You may learn something that you didn't know.
Speaker 1:And you know us to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate Every day, Elevate Every day elevate, every day, elevate, every day, elevate.
