Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
330th Floor: Balancing Professional Growth and Personal Bonds
Can mastering the art of coaching transform your life and career? Join us in this emotionally engaging episode of "Take the Elevator," where Gen and Kory take you behind the scenes of Gen's coaching journey. From the elation of acquiring new skills to the hurdles of stringent credentialing, Gen candidly shares her experiences. Kory adds a nuanced perspective, highlighting the emotional highs and lows that come with balancing the art of coaching and meeting grading standards. Together, they explore the delicate balance between coaching the 'what' and the 'who', shedding light on the subjective nature of evaluations and those hard-to-swallow moments of missed opportunities.
But we don’t stop there. The conversation shifts to the transformative power of vulnerability in marriage. Gen and Kory discuss how openly sharing your heart with your partner can lead to a deeply fulfilling relationship. They delve into personal stories, from navigating the challenges of menopause to recognizing fleeting emotions like sadness and anger. The episode wraps up with a light-hearted celebration of their anniversary, reflecting on their shared journey and expressing gratitude for each other's company. So, come along for a thought-provoking and joyful exploration of coaching, vulnerability, and the beauty of celebrating life's milestones together.
Look-up, and let's elevate!
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey, and welcome to Take the Elevator. I don't know what episode this is, but I guarantee it's going to be a fun-filled, action-packed ride. Yeah, we like fun with all the elevators, and especially jen and cory um jen. So I noticed something and I wanted to ask you about this, and so I kind of had this on the back burner for some time and I just was like man, I I gotta find the right moment to ask jen this during a podcast oh boy and yes, I'm going deep quick and for those who are new to us yes, we really are on the spot with topics because our life's so busy, so this is one less thing that we properly plan for.
Speaker 2:We believe in the power of spontaneity and just having conversation yeah, we just learned to file stuff away in our in our uh memory file cabinet and when it's appropriate to bring it up, we'll just start talking about it. So, jen, you're on this coaching journey, correct? Yes, and it it has its great moments, it has its challenging moments, it has the the uncertain moments, but definitely a lot of moments oh yeah, I, yes, I can attest, I absolutely agree, yeah so I was listening to this one particular, and sometimes I eavesdrop on your uh when you're in school, not your actual coaching.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was going to say Corey, that's.
Speaker 2:Not when you're coaching people when you're in school.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was listening to some of the feedback that your personal coach was giving you on one assignment that you were going through and I could hear the high notes that he was really touching on and he was very excited. And then I could hear the more instructor-driven parts of that and it's an emotional roller coaster. I didn't realize how intense that could be, because you're on this high, like I did a really good job and I achieved this and I made this happen. And then it's that, oh, I got're, you're on this high, like I did a really good job and I I achieved this and I made this happen. And then it's that, oh, I gotta tighten up on this and I gotta fix that, I gotta make sure. Can you just give a little bit of insight on what that does and how that all plays into the whole coaching atmosphere, because it's literally a universe for coaching developing, growing, helping people and allowing them to help themselves yeah, I'll, so I'll give as much insight as I can so in the, in the coaching world.
Speaker 1:Um, there are people that receive, you know, just like a three-month class, and they take those skills and grow and develop it. And then there are people who get credentialed and there are two main bodies that credential you. So I'm trying to get credentialed through one particular one and I actually got that first level of credentialing and for me it was easy, slam dunk home run yeah, I was like, wow, this is cool, right, it's like, this is easy peasy, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that first level of coaching is really about the what. So my client brings something up, there's what they want to focus on, and so what do you do? What's the action plan? What's next steps? Real easy, because it's process. Then you get into the next level, which requires more education, and now you're coaching to not just the what but to the who, and so there are things that people share that are more focused on the what, especially new clients, and to work with them to transition into the who they're becoming and if I can pause you just right there for a quick second.
Speaker 2:And everyone knows that when you're doing a what, it's real easy because the what is typically not a living breathing, being the who brings in all the emotions Complicated a little bit, right, yes?
Speaker 1:And then you've got to understand okay, that's what you're talking about. Who are you in that? What does that word mean to you? Right, so you explore that more.
Speaker 1:The thing that's tripping me out, corey, is yes, there are high moments, and what I mean by high it's not about, oh, I did so good. But right now, while you're in school, the focus is passing this rubric or these markers to make sure you're touching every element. And I can really get in my head because I feel like I lose the art of coaching in these sessions because I'm trying to pass a grading system and it's, in my opinion, most of it's very subjective. So, where I may feel that I hit that competency, the other person on the other end not so much. And I do think there's a benefit when you're listening to the session after its entirety on what you could say oh, it would have been better if it was that question. So I think that's what they have. But in real time, out of all the questions and all the processing you're doing and partnering, you're always going to have something you could have said better or done better, right.
Speaker 2:Right, and let me just throw this in there and see where it lands with you. Right, and let me just throw this in there and see where it lands with you. How many times have you listened to one of your own sessions and you know I should have said this, I should have asked this. But you know you can't go in. It's not a paper, it's not something you've written, so you can go in and change it or add or take away. So how do you work around that, not being able to fix what's already done? But now I might have to go and do this entire thing all over again.
Speaker 1:You just like with anything, you implement it for the next time right, it's one of those and it can be painful listening to yourself because you think, oh man, did I really say that? Or did I really layer that question, or was that really? Did I really do a yes, no, like that's so basic. You know what I mean. And so what I do love about coaching, outside of the pressure of getting the higher credential, is that when it happens organically and I don't have to think about the checklist, it's strong that way. So if anyone is listening and you're trying to get into coaching or you're in coaching, you're trying to get more record all your sessions, play them back and eat and just record them all, cause you might have that one. That actually is the golden ticket for, um, that coaching, credentialing or federation, whatever they call themselves you know and saying, yes, this is that level. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And so you know this is my final thought and question, if it could be intertwined in one. You know, before you got involved into this aspect of your life, I heard personally that all these people were coaches.
Speaker 1:Everyone was I'm a coach, I'm a coach, I'm a coach, I'm a coach, I'm a coach, it's like a yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I was like, wow, this must be something really simple and easy to get involved in. Everybody's a coach, you know, and everybody is telling somebody something they want to hear or what to do. But after seeing this, what I realized, jen, everyone is not a coach, everyone can't be a coach. It's a calling, for sure, it's definitely a calling, and there's levels and aspects of coaching that coaches specialize in. Yeah, and that's when you know when, just the average, I can't say I'm a coach.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I may be able to talk along a side of a coach, but without those credentials and those understandings and I'm going to let you go, I'm going to stop there and let you go with that. Without the, what can you do?
Speaker 1:No, I agree. And so the big thing to your point is that, especially during the pandemic, everyone turned to coaching because they became coaches. It was a thing you could do from home. People had to supplement their income right, you're sitting in front of a computer, anyways. People needed partnership and socialization and relationships more than ever. So, boom, like it just blew up, yeah, and so now the level of coaching is. The question is is how do you stand set apart? And because everyone has the same basic coaching knowledge and practices, you really have to up that. Are you comfortable with being a coach? That challenges? Are you comfortable with seeing both sides and bringing forward what you're seeing in body language, hearing in tone? Are you able to build rapport so your client's able to accept that you know what I mean? Um, and then have impact. That's more longterm than just that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, um, yes, I don't know if I answered the question.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. But you just sparked another amazing thought which is I didn't realize throughout the pandemic or during the pandemic the importance for people to be in school, involved in an interactive school Coaching provided a lot of interaction. And it provided the zoom meeting, where you're talking to someone.
Speaker 1:Right, cause it wasn't just school where it's on demand, self-paced, you were with other people and it required a lot of talking.
Speaker 2:And so that inspired a lot of people. They might not have been their thing, but I get to talk to people, I get to see people without mask on, I can interact with someone, and that really changed the environment of coaching as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think what it's done. And so whenever you are in anything whether it be coaching, or maybe you're learning an instrument to play or you're getting back to your passions I've met with people who are like I just miss reading, you know, because people becoming moms Right were like I just miss reading, you know, because people becoming moms right. So all these things that have brought him joy have now been pushed to the side. So whenever I learn something new, I always think how can I apply this to more than just this one thing? You know, we've talked about that before Corey, where we get tied to know this is exactly how it's supposed to happen before Corey, where we get tied to know.
Speaker 2:this is exactly how it's supposed to happen, but no, it can be so much more.
Speaker 1:That's not the way we've always done this, yeah, so working with you, working with other leaders and just other people in general, man, the concept of coaching is powerful because it's really standing in a place of curiosity and knowing that their truth is their truth and mine is mine, and so it teaches me to be ego less.
Speaker 1:This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with that ego, yeah, yeah yeah, and so for anyone to function and flow and dance in that realm is powerful, because you're really seeing the other person and my whole life being the oldest child, being filipino um having leadership roles. It's really about how I may see things, or that's at least what I thought.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So this has taught me a whole new skillset that I'm still learning my culture to. Um. No shade, it's just the truth. We didn't spend a lot of time in feelings.
Speaker 1:You know, we were just raised to be resilient, and what resilient meant to us at that time was just getting through it, getting over it, and being tough until you're broke yeah, and that brokenness usually appeared into adulthood, right right where we can comfortably talk about it now because like, oh, we're allowed to say these things, we're allowed to express these emotions, and I can feel this way yeah yeah yeah, I want, I wanted to say this, you know, jen, before we get too much further into, uh, anything else.
Speaker 2:Uh, coaching is a real thing. It is effective, abundantly effective, and it has changed lives. Anything done in malpractice or lackluster is gonna have bad effects and bad turnouts, bad outcomes. But I can say this about the coaching that I now have received and experienced it's a real thing, it's great when it's effective and done the right way, and I would never frown upon it the way I used to.
Speaker 2:I used to think this is a big waste of time until someone told me and this wasn't a insider, this is someone that I was just talking to and coaching came up and I was like I don't believe in all that talking to somebody about this and that If I, if I need to talk like that, I'll get a therapist.
Speaker 2:And it was asked of me to just try it to see what I thought. It asked of me to just try it to see what I thought and, after going through a good coaching session, it changed me. It changed my thoughts about coaching, it changed the way I felt about coaches, period. And then, once you identify this is something that I want to do, and then you identify the level on which which you wanted to do it, because you didn't, you didn't want to do one particular style. I mean, you wanted to do a one particular style, but it wasn't what I had experienced, you, you, and I don't want to divulge that without you know, you giving me the okay, but it's effective and I'm I'm proud to say that my wife is a coach.
Speaker 1:Thanks, corey. I love that you're with me every step of my learning journey, and including my frustrations, because there have been moments like should I be doing this. What the hell am I doing?
Speaker 2:And the answer is yes, yeah, absolutely it just enhances everything else I do, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, speaking of you being with me every step of the way, I just wanted to maybe go through the rest of this episode, if it's okay with you, because we just celebrated 18 years and, corey, I think one of our powers, if you will, is the fact that we are a married couple. It's a second chance kind of relationship. Our families blended, so we went through the challenges of that and now you know. And then we went through the challenges of empty nest and now we're 18 years strong, which means we have an adult marriage.
Speaker 1:That's true, it is an adult.
Speaker 2:It has matured.
Speaker 1:It has matured. So people have asked and I don't know if they ask you as much as they do me, especially because when I do speak or when I teach, I do share stories and some of them are stories about you and I and they find it funny. They want to know, like how did that happen and how how does it work now, kind of thing. So for the 18 years, corey, what for you has been the biggest aha moment being married for this long second time into it, and just you know our whole experience being married for 18 years what's the biggest takeaway?
Speaker 2:Marriage is easy when your heart is into it, easy when your heart is into it.
Speaker 2:When you remove your heart and the heart portion of a relationship, nothing is going to work, and you have to not only want it to be a part of it, you have to allow it to be a part of it. So many of us are guarded with our hearts. We don't want to let anybody in, we don't want to share this thing with anyone, and you have to want to share it. You have to be willing to get hurt and you have to be willing to be vulnerable to a point to where there's not a, there's not a limit that you can say, okay, I've given as much as I want to give, I'm not giving any more on any given. Now, if, if the relationship is an abuse or the relationship is in uh, cheating and um, addiction and stuff like that, those are a whole, nother different, set of circumstances. I'm not talking about those extremities. I'm talking about when, when two people are coming together, committing to trying to live the rest of their lives together, it's easy when the heart is completely and totally involved I love that word, vulnerability.
Speaker 1:Um, when you use the word vulnerability, what does it mean to you? How would you define it?
Speaker 2:um, that, that part of protection that you think you need. You give that protection to your mate. Yeah, you let that mate protect you, opposed to you trying to protect you.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So when I think of vulnerability, something that might some people might think goes opposite, that is self-love or self-preservation, right, right, yeah. And I agree, when you are in a commitment, it takes it to a whole nother level to be vulnerable, because, although I believe in self-love and you know appreciating who I am and bringing that forward, when two people are vulnerable, there's this understanding like I'm letting you in my inmost being, and I trust that you're going to take care of that, because I think that's the big thing with vulnerability is that you are susceptible to a whole bunch of stuff because you're totally open.
Speaker 2:You're like this is who I am Right and so my example if I can pause you right there for a second is is I'm going to use the word words unwell. That could be I'm hurt, I'm sick. I'm going to use the word words unwell. That could be I'm hurt, I'm sick, I'm struggling with something. There's something not quite right. So I'm going to say to Jen, I'm unwell here, can you help me? And I literally hand it to you.
Speaker 2:My vulnerability is now in your hands and you can do. Now there are people that have this abusive tendency and they will squeeze that. What do you mean? You're unwell, get yourself together, fix yourself. That's an abusive situation. What I'm talking about is in a healthy situation, where you say my partner is unwell, I need to assist him or her in the best way possible. What can I do to help them be well? And my worry is not that she's going to hurt me. My worry is I just want to get better. I just need to do better. I just want to get to that next step better, I just need to do better. I just want to get to that next step. That's where vulnerability lies for me. I don't for anyone else. I can't speak to that, but that's what it is for me.
Speaker 1:Beautifully said. Beautifully said, one of the things that I've learned too and I don't think I've said this out loud to you, if I have, let me know, but definitely when I journal, so I've said this before menopause is a real thing. So we're going to talk about the 18 years right. Right now in our journey is my journey of menopause, and that is not a normal conversation that women have, and so whenever I, I promise you, when I'm meeting with anyone and it's women, only in those settings, right, if there's a man, I'm meeting with anyone and it's women, only in those settings, right, if there's a man, I'm not going to bring this up, but I might say, you know, it's a real kind of hot flash, menopausal day. How are you all doing? And just opening up that space so they know like, hey, I'm going through something and this is natural and this is real. Know like, hey, I'm going through something and this is natural and this is real.
Speaker 1:So I've learned this, where I used to say I am depressed right now or I'm feeling extreme sadness, which is not a normal emotion for me, so to experience that and actually name it and realize like, oh, my goodness, like this is happening, I journal that sadness during this time in my life is passing through, or it's something that's temporarily here, because that helps me understand. Menopause is for a moment in my life. This is not going to dictate who I am. For the rest of it I'm, it's, i's, I'm passing through it right, so that has been an aha moment for me. Is not giving too much of that, um negative space, too much power? Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:no, no, I, I totally hear you yeah.
Speaker 1:So if I'm in a bad situation, which we have been recently with someone in our life, I just refuse to give that person and the way they were showing up time and time again power, like I wasn't going to dwell on it and just realizing she might be going through something and not in my control. And this is.
Speaker 2:You know, I anger is visiting me right now and it's just passing through as I figure it out that that's a different level of consciousness, though, and and when I say that I'm not trying to get mystical at all I'm just simply saying that some people are not conscious about where they are and and what's happening in real time, and I and I wanted to say that because I'm going to the black open void you know, there are people, women that have got lost in menopause and literally spiraled out of control.
Speaker 1:Marriages have ended, yeah ended, yeah, behind menopause.
Speaker 2:But let's be real clear, because there are women that have gotten pregnant and done the same thing. There are men that have hit the midlife crisis and done the same thing. There are some people who took one drink of alcohol and done it.
Speaker 1:Or lost their job.
Speaker 2:It's a possibility, it's a life event when you go through some of these things. You know I'm not saying it's the norm, I'm just saying it could happen. So when Jen's telling us what she's going through, it's not like we're trying to describe the worst of the worst. You know, we're just describing what she's gone through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, describing what she's gone through, yeah and and making and normalizing, yeah, that this could very well happen. This is a real.
Speaker 1:There are not books out there that say I went through menopause and it was hunky-dory fine, it was great I enjoyed every second of it, and I think that's what community is about too is it's okay to say, hey, I'm going through a moment, figuring it out, and while I'm experiencing these emotions though I'm going to, you know, definitely experiencing, experience them and they're valid, but at the end of the day, my behavior, it doesn't become valid because this is how I'm feeling, if that makes any sense, and that's what I've learned in this, in this marriage is-year relationship too that I can feel these emotions. But because we're in a space of vulnerability, I just can't act any old kind of way, like you know what I mean. Like, conflict resolution doesn't mean, oh, I'm going to win it, it means there's resolution, yeah, and with just even that word, word, there's a piece to it resolve yes, as you raise your hands to the side.
Speaker 2:Yes, resolve well, yeah, I. When I hear the word resolve, I think of multiple areas of life. That resolve can happen. You know um in the music world, when you hit the resolve chord, everything is relaxing right, is it? Is at peace.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it's always a good thing to have resolve yeah, absolutely, and I love this concept and I'm kind of, uh, dialing back a little from resolve because it's just like this you're gonna have grumpy days and you don't take it out on each other. No, in fact, we can be grumpy together over two totally different things, and that's the importance of giving each other space and giving yourself space.
Speaker 2:But you know what's even? It's not that it's fun, but what's peaceful for me is like, if I'm grumpy and you're grumpy, but we're grumpy about two different things, but we, we both understand what each other is grumpy about and I'm like, yeah, you should be grumpy about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you should be grumpy about that. There's the camaraderie.
Speaker 2:We're just going to be grumpy together, yeah.
Speaker 1:Say that I love that and actually that.
Speaker 2:I love that. Actually, that gives me some energy because I'm like I'm good with being grumpy right now.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get past it but I got a partner in being grumpy, exactly, and I think that's what it's about. It's partnership, yeah, and that word is such a beautiful word that we just throw out there Sometimes. When you got a partner, that means you're not going to go through anything alone, and that is a known fact, that no one wants to be alone, contrary to what other people, what people might say it might be there.
Speaker 2:What I mean alone, you know, just isolated for the rest of their lives, all you got to do is do a hike or a journey by yourself for a day. You come to grasp with reality very quick when you're forced to be by yourself. Someone. People want a companion of some kind it an animal, be it, uh, whatever. But we're not designed to be alone, right? And you truly find out whether you can handle being alone when you're, it's true, in that situation and people do do journeys by themselves, you know.
Speaker 1:They learn about themselves a lot, which is great, because self-awareness is the first step in anything.
Speaker 2:But the enjoyment alone would tell me that when you come back from your journey, you go back to being alone. Most people go back and want to be embraced and be with their families.
Speaker 1:Like we watch that show sometimes, although I haven't seen any new episodes. What is it Alone Not Naked and Afraid?
Speaker 2:Yeah, just alone Not one but alone.
Speaker 1:And they do this and then they just break down and they cry for their family, what they would do just to hear the voice or be in the same space of that person. I love shows that show you human behavior and that just emphasize the importance of relationships.
Speaker 2:So for our anniversary we're going to go be alone and then enjoy company. I'm playing.
Speaker 1:I would be so scared to be in the wilderness in the dark by myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh heck no.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to even profess to that, I don't need to go on a trip alone to know that.
Speaker 1:No, I'd much rather be with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not, would never profess that I'm glad we're together same.
Speaker 1:We work together, we build together, we write together, we I mean we pretty much carpool everywhere together, because we're always going to the same places for the most part, except you don't go to the nail salon with me, no, and you don't do hair with me, no, anyhow. Well, happy anniversary, annie.
Speaker 2:Happy anniversary.
Speaker 1:You know us to take the elevator. We say look up and let elevate Every day, elevate, Every day, elevate.
